Weekend in Review

The kiddos and I had a pretty good weekend. It started with Lily's birthday party on Friday. It was a little stressful trying to get everyone there after working in DC all day, but we made it. Lily is definitely among the kids' favorite friends, Jack especially was super-excited to celebrate her birthday. We had a blast at the sprayground. Jack enjoyed chasing Lily around, Kara loved the water. Anna enjoyed drinking lemonade from a can and arguing with the other children that it was indeed properly referred to as soda, "well, it's in a soda can, so I can call it soda." Jack also took it upon himself to try and keep one of the smaller children away from the street (despite the fact that she wasn't really anywhere near the street). It was actually very sweet, well to me, not so much to poor Frankie.

Saturday, we got went to the mall. Children's Place was having a jeans sale ($10). And, with the purchase of $50, you could save an additional 25%, bringing the price to $7.50! Until this point, I have always been at least one season ahead on clothes. That way I get everything on sale or clearance and there is no last minute scrambling when the weather turns. I was looking in their closets for the storage bins with the next size up when I realized Jack had next to nothing in his. Fortunately, this coincided with the e-mail notice of the jean sale.

Some might say I am crazy to venture to the mall with 3 small children (none of whom will willingly sit in a stroller) on the Saturday before back-to-school. To those I say--you are right! What was I thinking?!?!? Oh, that I love a bargain. So, I promised them the play area if they would let me look in one store. The kids are funny, they don't consider the stores in the mall to actually be part of the mall. Whenever we venture into a store they start begging to go back to the mall. Anyway, they were not good. They weren't bad either, they were just typical 2 and 3 year olds. I could only find 3 pairs of pants I liked, so I bought those and we went to the play area. My total was $31. While at the play area I was able to actually think and I realized that if I had picked out two more pairs of jeans, I would have gotten the 25% off and brought my total up only $7.00. Clearly I had made a mistake. So after they were done playing, I took them back to the store. I told the lady I wanted to return the items I bought and then repurchase them with some additional items. I will spare you the chaos that this caused as the line behind me grew. But, we got our pants. And, I let the kids each pick out something from the 0.99 bin. In the picture, Jack is wearing one of his new pairs of pants with the keychain he chose (Thomas always complains that I take terrible pictures, this one is also a slightly blurry example of that). Anna chose a necklace and Kara chose a giant ring. The ring looks like a ring pop, so she kept putting it in her mouth and trying to eat it. I think she believes she got a raw deal.

After the mall we went to Sam's Club. It was almost noon. I figured the samples would fill them up until we got home and could have lunch. When we got there I noticed that for once the food line was really short. So, I decided to just buy them lunch. Anna, Kara and I had pizza, Jack had a hotdog. We split two very large drinks. The total? $6.22. It was definitely a bargain day. Of course, immediately after we sat down, someone insisted they had to go to the bathroom. So, off we went, leaving our food on the table. A stranger was kind of enough to agree to make sure no one threw it out.

Wow, I thought I had nothing much to write about. I am going to have to speed this up. Sunday was church. I had bought the kids little magnet scene boards and pulled those out as a special surprise (the Ainas lent Jack one a couple of Sundays ago and it caused quite the ruckus because they all wanted to play with it). It worked like a charm for Anna and Kara. In fact, at one point Jack had to go to the bathroom and the girls actually wanted to stay in the meeting! I enjoyed Sunday school, and in Young Women's there was a great lesson on honesty. It made me remember the time I stole something as a child and the overwhelming guilt I felt. It also made me thankful, yet again, for a wonderful mother who always seemed to handle things in just the right way. I am glad I learned at an early age that crime doesn't pay.

Speaking of motherhood, we are reading Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother for book club this month (I'm hosting). I read it when it first came out and really enjoyed it. I found it thought-provoking and it made me question some of my own "lenient Western" style parenting ideas. Not that I would ever swing completely in Ms. Chua's direction (or ever close). But, I will be curious to hear what others think.

Oh, and as an update, the Super Nanny technique worked--Kara is staying in her room! Now, I need to find out if there is a method for keeping them in their beds and somewhat quiet at night.

Kara and Sleep Deprivation

Once upon a time our children happily went to bed. They did not fight or fuss. They accepted that it was bedtime, enjoyed their story and song and quietly drifted off to sleep. Sure, we had our trials with them as babies, but nothing overly difficult. Then, something happened. Perhaps with increasing self-awareness came the knowledge that bedtime was not fun. That something good could be happening in the living room while they were relegated to the dark corners of their (night-lit) bedrooms. Procrastination techniques crept into the routine. Arguments ensued over whose turn it was to say the family prayer, pick the book, sleep with the book, and use the bathroom first (arguing that it should NOT be them on the last one). The older two would somewhat listen to reason (translate: threats). But Kara, my sweet, sweet, Kara turned into a little bedtime demon.

Almost from birth, Kara would only wake up once in the night (contrasted with Jack and Anna who wanted to eat every 3 hours regardless of the sun’s position). Unfortunately, at the age of 2, she was still waking up once in the night. Sometimes she wanted to be covered, mostly she just wanted to know someone was there (and thus available at her every beck and call). At 2.5, she still cries out occasionally, but that is pretty well under control. But, getting her to bed—well, that’s another story. In fact, that is the story of this blog.

Last night, I had Book Club. I love going to Book Club. I enjoy the books we read and the company of the other ladies who read them. The added bonus yesterday was that someone else got to put the kids to bed. I got home around 9:20, hoping they would all be asleep. The babysitter said she thought they were and the house was certainly quiet. So, I did what any parent would do, I went in to see my sleeping darlings. However, the darlings were not all sleeping. The girls were awake. They were lying quietly and seemingly contentedly…until they saw me. Then, it happened. “I’m thirsty. I need my white blanket. I can’t find my library book. You didn’t hug me, etc.” I got out of there as fast as I could, promising them I would bring in a cup of water if they laid quietly for 10 minutes. The “10-minutes for some water” works with the older two. But, not Kara. I have yet to find what will work with Kara.

However, now I had a strategy. After speaking with my SuperNanny-watching-friend, I put the following plan into play: the first time Kara got up, I spoke with her quietly and led her back to her room. After that, it was no talking, just back to the room. Kara caught on pretty easily to what was happening and she quickly upped her game. The “Mama, Mama” cries became shrill shrieks. Around 10, I decided I wanted to go to bed. Kara was in the hallway, so I silently put her back in her bed, went in my room and closed the door. A few minutes later, her cries are clearly outside my door and her little hand is poking underneath. She is begging for a hug. I put her back in bed. She comes out again, this time pleading with me to “please hold me like a little baby, please Mama.” Keep in mind, all of this is done in a (very) loud cry. I put her back in bed. I decide to ignore her for a little while. So, she ups the anty: “Mama, I poopy Mama. Come change me. Please Mama, change me.” There is no poop; I put her back to bed. Then, it’s, “I have to tell you something.” I put her back to bed.

The whole thing lasted until about 1015, so not quite an hour from the time we started. I will continue the SuperNanny strategy tonight and see what happens. I have to admit that I was impressed with Kara’s ingenuity, particularly the poopy scam. And, it is hard for me to not give in and just hold her for a few minutes. But, I’ve done that and it doesn’t put her to sleep, it leads to more requests for time-draining moments. I am told at least once a week to enjoy them while they are young. I genuinely try to keep this in mind. However, I would really like to do it on a full night’s sleep.

Flashback: The Longest 6 Weeks of my Life

Early in our second year of law school, Thomas dragged me to a career presentation by the Navy JAG. I had never considered a career in the military. But, it was something Thomas had always been interested in doing. In fact, he had tried to enlist right after high school but a shoulder surgery kept him from being medically ready. Life took over and he played baseball for a few years, went to college, and then found himself at law school with me. On an unrelated note, if he had gotten into the Navy after high school he would have been in the nuclear program at the same time as my brother. The A-school for that was in Orlando, near where my family lived at the time, and we like to think that we would have met 5 years earlier. But, fate allowed our paths to cross in 2001 at W&L. However, that is not the topic of this Flashback Friday (on a Monday).

Back to the career presentation. I believe Thomas and I were engaged at the time. The presenters were husband and wife JAGs, alumni of W&L. They made it sound so fun: get in the courtroom right away, no billable hours, meaningful work serving your country. I was hooked. We both applied and were fortunate enough to get the job.

Fast forward to summer 2004. We have now graduated, taken the bar and are about to depart for the first step in our military pipeline: Officer Indoctrination School (OIS). OIS is a (greatly) watered down version of Office Candidate School (OCS). Unlike OCS, we have already been commissioned, so it is just a matter of checking the block and surviving for the 5 week period. Or was it 6? I can’t remember. Whatever it was, it was the longest time frame of my life. I remember telling Thomas, “if I am ever terminally ill, I am spending some time here because each day feels like a year.” There were some bootcamp like aspects: waking up at 0430, getting yelled at (a lot), doing push-ups (a lot), running to cadences, plugging holes in a simulated sinking ship, fighting fires, 5-minute showers, etc. But, none of that bothered me. I was in really good shape, I didn’t mind getting up early, and getting yelled at was surprisingly nonthreatening (probably because it was a group and not me individually).

No, what bothered me was the loss of individuality, not knowing people's first names and only being identified as "Wilson". I also had a hard time with the lack of time to process each event. Because you were constantly with people, there was very little time to just think. Perhaps that is the nature of the military--the unit trumps the individual. Anyway, it was tiring for me to always be around people. I was actually very fortunate, I was the only person there to have their own room. This happened because there were an odd number of girls and when asked who wanted to bunk alone, I was the first (only) person to jump up and say “me.” That was nice—I got a former enlisted shipmate to help me make one bed and then slept in the other one for the entire time, hiding a spare blanket in my locker. I passed every room inspection easily. I also enjoyed running the trail around the base. It was incredibly beautiful and I loved seeing the Forrestal and Saratoga (two old, retired aircraft carriers that are docked in Newport) and thinking of all the history. In other words, it could have been so much worse. I had it pretty good.

The worst thing that happened to me at OIS was during a drug test. Somehow we knew it was coming, so I filled up on water. Unfortunately, they took us in alphabetical order and I was literally crying because I had to go so bad. Not very military-like behavior and I did individually get yelled at for that. I think a kind nurse finally took pity and allowed me to go, I also went an additional 2 times before they finally got to the ‘W’s and even then, I had no trouble filling the bottle. Other than that, there was nothing traumatizing. I didn’t even mind the final event: Battlestations. You get to do everything you did over the 5 (or 6) week period over the course of 1 night. The point is to exhaust you and see if you can function. That was the easy stuff.

The difficult part was being told what to do every minute of the day. I hated being timed for eating. You literally stood behind your chair until every person was at the table. Then, you all sat down together and were given 5-minutes to eat and it was done in complete silence. And, you were only allowed to drink water (and juice with breakfast). Fortunately, a few weeks in we were allowed some freetime, but I still remember just feeling emotionally drained at the end of each day and realizing it wasn’t because of the physical rigors of OIS, it was the rigors of constant companionship and the inability to exert control over my circumstances. Thomas and I even talked about trying to resign our commissions. That was probably in the first week or two, before we got the routine down and realized, this too shall pass (plus, it really eased up after week 2. We still got up at 0430, but we could actually talk over a 20-minute timed lunch and on weekends we could even venture off-base).

Thomas had his first legal question while at OIS; his roommate, a dentist actually did try and resign his commission. He was told that he would have to pay the Navy back for his dental degree. He wanted to know if they could do that (answer: yes). We all survived. And, there were actually a fair number of people there who thought the whole thing was fun.

All in all, for me it was not fun. I learned how to salute; I learned some Navy history; and I still sing, “I could go to Iowa… like this, all the way to Iowa just like this” in my head when I get in a jogging groove. Looking back now, I can’t actually justify why I was so miserable. But, I hope I never experience anything like it again!

Whoever Said There's No Such Thing as a Stupid Question--Come to my House!

All day long I feel barraged by inane questions. They are never ending. I try to be flattered that my children think I am so brilliant. Only a true genius, whose brain power the world has never known could possibly know each person driving down the road, their destination, and why they chose that particular color for their mode of transporation.

The questions range from odd, "what's water?" to the intrusively obnxious, "what did you say? Why did you say that. Who were you talking to?" There is no statement that goes unnoticed or unanalyzed in our house. Taken singuarly, none of the questions are bad. But, I kid you not when I say I am asked 1.2 million such questions on a daily basis. Okay, maybe I exaggerate some, but you get the point.

I have tried answering honestly, which always leads to more questions:
Child: Why do I have to go to bed?
Me: You need lots of sleep so that your brain and body can develop and you can grow up to be healthy and strong.
Child: Why do I want to be healthy and strong?
Me: So you can have the energy you need to play games and read books and do all sorts of fun things.
Child: What kind of fun things?
Me: Just go to bed.

I have tried being funny, which, not surprisingly, also leads to more questions:
Child: Why we have to be quiet when you are on the phone?
Me: Because I might be talking a princess and if she hears that you aren't being polite, she won't come over to play.
Child: What princesses do you talk to?
Me: All of them.
Child: What do they say?
Me: If you're noisy, they say, why is that little girl talking when you're on the phone?
Child: What princess says that?
Me: Just be quiet.

As anyone who reads this blog knows by now, I am not shooting for mother of the year. I understand that kids learn by asking questions. But, really, do they have to ask the same ones over and over again? Do they have to ask the ones they already know the answers to? Do they have to ask the obvious ones? Okay, now it is me asking the stupid questions--I know the answer to all of those is a resounding yes. Now, if only there was someone I could ask why.

Absconding From Parental Responsibility

While parenting alone does have some benefits (I can watch the Real Housewives of New Jersey without judgement, for example). There are some definite drawbacks. Mainly, I get tired. Having 3 little kids while managing the home life is exhausting. Certainly, it could be much worse. I have a great babysitter and a pretty good work schedule. But, still. Planning dinners, shopping, doing laundry, cleaning (occassionally), and my least favorite of all--putting them to bed. Stories, songs, hugs, kisses, more hugs, searching for blankets, books, special pillows, etc. And the whining, oh the whining! It gets tiring.

Today, Kara was having an issue with her diapers. I am not quite sure what was going on. But, we finally decided to just forgo the things and let her put on underwear. Kara is not close to being potty trained. But, I figured I'd roll the dice and see what happened. She put the underwear on and I asked Anna if she wanted to potty-train Kara. I wasn't serious. But, Anna and Kara didn't know that. They thought it was a great idea. So, I put my 3.5-year-old in charge of my 2.5-year-old. I absconded from responsibility.

Anna started with, "Kara, I will show you what to do. Come sit over here." A few minutes later, I heard her ask, "do you need to go potty, honey?" Kara answered affirmatively, so off they went. Anna put the potty seat on the toilet and waited while Kara tried to go. This was repeated several times. Anna called her "honey" all night. I think Kara may have actually peed once, but I don't know--because I didn't bother to go in and see. They were happy, I was happy. And, there were no accidents. She stayed dry for the 2.5 hours she wore the underwear.

No need to call child services, I will not make a habit over letting Anna parent Kara. I don't think Kara would stand for it for much more than a night anyway.

3 Unsupervised Children + 2 Pairs of Scissors = DISASTER

Today, I made a bad decision. The lawn really needed to be mowed. I thought the best way to try and get it done was while the kids were napping. I told them I was going to mow the lawn and that if they needed me to come outside. We had a busy morning so I thought they would fall asleep relatively easily. I waited until they were quiet and headed outside. About 15 minutes later they all came out. I sent them back in with the promise of a "special treat" if they would go take a nap. Stupid, I know. In my defense I felt like they were safer inside than wandering the yard (it's a big yard and I can't mow and keep a good eye on them). I am not sure why I thought they would stay in their rooms. Wishful thinking? Pure idiocy? About an hour later Anna came outside. I thought she looked a little odd, but presumed her ponytail had drifted to the side while she was laying down. The others quickly followed and I told them they could play outside.



As I was finishing the yard, I caught a good view of Anna from the side. Something was definitely up. I asked her if she cut her hair and she responded, "no, Mommy." It quickly became obvious and I started to laugh. She began laughing too, obviously pleased with my reaction. Well, until I told her that her hair looked awful, then she started crying.



I went to round up Jack and Kara so we could hurry to a hair salon. It was already close to 4 and I really wanted to get this fixed (as much as it could be) before church in the morning. Then, I noticed that Kara was looking a little odd. I quickly realized we had a second victim (pepetrator?). Her hair was actually kind of trendy looking. Someone's skills were improving...



We went inside and I was able to identify the crime scene (yes, that is a Constitution laying next to the scissors--I am not sure which inalienable right they were trying to apply). There was another set of scissors and hair in the hallway (actually, there was a trail of hair in the hallway).



On the drive to the Hair Cuttery, I finally got the full explanation. Apparently, after they went inside they "decided it would be a good idea" to cut their hair. Anna asked Jack if he would do the honors and he said "sure." Only half of her hair was cut because "it didn't look so good." I really wish I had a video camera on when they were relaying the story--it was hilarious! The only part of the story that remained unclear was how Kara got roped into it.

Here they are waiting at Hair Cuttery. They were quite a hit with the staff and clientele.



When asked how her hair should be cut, Anna said to "make it smaller."



Kara suprised me with how still she sat.

The finished product.

I recognize that I am VERY lucky. Three small children with some very sharp scissors close to eyes, ears, and necks could have been truly disastrous. I will consider it a lesson learned for all of us!

The Consequences of Words

If you have children no doubt you have uttered an if/then ultimatum. In my house, there are at least 5 such occurences daily, per child, each hour. For example, "if you don't apologize, then you're going to timeout." Makes perfect sense, right? The problem with the if/then ultimatum is that when they do the "if," you have to do the "then." Sometimes, that's easy and comparatively painless, such as the above time-out example. Othertimes, you can box yourself into a corner. But, if you want to enforce that your words have meaning, then you really have no choice.

This Independence Day weekend, I boxed myself into a corner and it was I who suffered most from the consequences. The scene: our house. Chaotic as always, lots of crying, complaining, and general unrest. Oh, and three little kids (badabing--I bet you didn't see that coming!). The kids got up early, the excitment of the day looming before them. I was REALLY looking forward to going to a local concert that evening, complete with fireworks timed to a live rendition of the 1812 Overture. We told the kids about all the fun we were going to have. We had a busy morning, shopping at Lowe's for paint samples and going out to lunch. When we got home, it was naptime. The girls usually sleep at naptime, and Jack takes the opportunity to play quietly in his room, which most days he actually enjoys. The kids generally go to bed at 8pm. Since the fireworks didn't start until after 9, Thomas and I told them how important it was for them to be quiet and take a nap. They indicated an understanding.

Five minutes later, they're out of bed, jumping around, playing loudly with toys. Anna was actually singing quite loudly. So, I go in and ask them nicely to be quiet. They promise they will be quiet. Unfortunately, they have no idea what a promise is, because shortly thereafter, same scenario (minus the singing at least). This time Daddy goes in to lay down the law. Again, they indicate they will be quiet and affirm that they want to be able to stay up for fireworks. A few minutes later, they are out of bed again, communicating loudly through the walls. I go in again and this is when it happens.

I issue the if/then ultimatum: "If you don't be quiet and take a nap, then we are NOT going to the fireworks." Well, you can guess what happened. Nap time crawls by, nobody sleeps, nobody even attempts to sleep. They are loud and playful. I reissue the threat to no avail. Nap time ends. They ask if they can still go the fireworks. With a heavy heart, I am forced to say no. They cry. They beg. They "promies" they'll take a nap tomorrow (not falling for that one!). But, we warned them. The rules were clear. We are forced to follow through.

Twenty minutes later, they've forgotten about the fireworks. They are happily playing some game, while I am left to ponder what went wrong. Actually, there isn't much to ponder, I made a cardinal mistake. I set forth a consequence I really, REALLY didn't want to enforce. I tried to find some way to back out. But, there wasn't any wiggle room in this one. We ended up buying some sparklers and little fireworks for our yard. The kids could see larger fireworks in the distance and were reminded that if they had been quiet, they could be watching giant fireworks in the sky. But, they didn't seem to care, they were happy. It was me who suffered.

Later that weekend, we were going to a friend's barbecue. Nap time rolled around. Anna said, "if we don't take a nap, we can't go to the barbecue, right Mommy?" Her Daddy, the smart one, responded with, "if you don't take a nap, you can't have dessert at the barbecue." Everyone was quiet that day.