Potty Training and Me: A Realization

There are several things in life I am good at, a few I am very good at, and many I am terrible at.  Unfortunately, potty training falls into the latter of those three categories.

Until my attempts with Kara, I could delude myself.  I had one child who learned easily at 2.5 and one who was somewhat of a nightmare.  That one was well past his 3rd birthday (probably midway to his 4th) before he was fully "trained."  So, it was easy to attribute the success of one to myself and the difficulty of the other to the child.  

Anna chose the doll and pink ice cream for her reward.



Let me focus on those two for a minute.  Anna, the successful child, probably could have learned before her 2nd birthday, but it was her daycare's policy to wait until a child was around 2.5.  So, we waited.  Then, when she and her brother hit 2.5, we decorated a potty chart, bought some pretty stickers and watched her chart fill up.  She had the thing accomplished in a less than a week.  I think at the time she filled hers (roughly 60 stickers) Jack's chart had 4.  When we brought her to daycare in underwear for the first time they told us we needed to bring in 5 changes of clothes.  They used none of them.  She literally conquered potty training in less than a week and there was no crying or yelling (by any of us).  Jack was slower.  He just isn't externally motivated.  Stickers didn't do it, toys weren't really a motivation, candy he could take or leave.  I finally told him if he would poop in the potty, we would buy him the Jesse (from Toy Story) costume he wanted.  He did it just enough to get the costume and then didn't bother again for about 3 months.  I don't know what finally motivated him, but it was certainly nothing I said or did.

So, it was easy for me to just figure he was the problem.   Alas, that wasn't true.  I am the problem.  Kara has now passed her 3rd birthday and, as I type, is wearing a diaper.  She had on a pullup, but then she had an "accident," which required a load of laundry and a shower.   Accident is in quotes, because the term doesn't actually apply, but is a more polite term than the word that does.  At least she wasn't wearing underwear.  And, don't think the pullup is the problem, I started this journey by making her wear underwear.  But, she wore me down with multiple daily accidents.  Now, she is about to outgrow her pullups, which I bought more than 6 months ago in optimistic anticipation (you know, for when we went out in public, because at home she would be wearing only underwear).

Anyway, when Kara hit the 2.5 mark, I put up the potty chart for her.  She promptly filled it, went to Target and selected her reward (a Mr. Potato Head).  Then, nothing.  A little different than Jack (whose chart stood for about 5 months and never amassed more than 12 stickers), but lacking the staying power of Anna.  I have tried bribes--candy every time she goes; group coercion--treats for her and her siblings every time she goes; threats--no television if she doesn't; and, the one I am most ashamed of--shaming.  The shaming was me calling her pooper.  She didn't like it.  Then, Anna started calling her pooper, which she REALLY didn't like.  I realized I was setting a terrible example, apologized to Kara and explained to Anna that I was wrong and it was not okay for us to be calling Kara names.  None of it worked; 7 months later and we are no further along.
So, what's the problem?  Kara is smart.  She's not overly stubborn.  She's not typically a difficult child (other than still waking us many nights to cover her.  Which reminds me of a  funny story that must be told even though it bears no relation to the present topic.  See below).   Therefore, I have come to the conclusion that the problem is me.  I stink at this.  Anna trained herself.  Jack and Kara are the shining examples of the skills I (don't) bring to the table.  If Thomas was the SAHP, I don't think we'd have this problem.  I console myself with the fact that one day, probably relatively soon, she will be in underwear and this will be a thing of that past. 

So, the funny story.  Kara still frequently cries in the night, screaming until one of us comes into her room.  Nine times out of 10, she just wants us to cover her. Well, a few weeks ago, I had enough.  Before bed, we had a nice conversation.  I told her how Daddy and I need our sleep too and she needed to cover herself and go back to sleep.  Then, I said if she woke us up to cover her, I was going to take all the books out of her bed.  She was in a good mood and indicated she understood.  So, you can imagine my surprise when I was awakened at 2am by her incessant screaming.  Thomas was also awake, but it was my turn to deal with her.  I stumbled into her room and looked at her expectantly.  She smiled sweetly at me, blanket in hand.  Then, I could see hestitation on her face as she appeared to be remembering our pre-bed conversation.  She surveyed the room, and then, looking at her books said, "ummm...<long pause> ummmmm...<long pause> this book really has a lot of pages, doesn't it Mommy?"  I had to admire her quick thinking on that one and couldn't help but laugh.  I agreed and made my way back to bed.

Flashback Saturday--A Truly Ironic Moment

I cannot remember what triggered this memory, but it remains one of the funniest ironic moments I've ever been privy to: 

Shortly after my college graduation, I received my first (and only—knock on wood) speeding ticket.  To avoid points on my driver’s license, I decided to go to traffic school.  Orlando offered a comedy traffic class, which actually seemed like fun.  I had a friend who had also received a ticket, so we decided to go to Orlando and make a day of it.  Unfortunately, the regular instructor cancelled, so there was no comedy involved, only traffic.  We watched the videos about driving drunk and learned that high speeds can kill.  Typical driver’s ed stuff.  I also remember a video that talked about merging from a stop-sign or traffic light.  The point of the video was to make sure you verified, not only that there was no oncoming traffic, but also that the driver in front of you had cleared out.  There was a picture of a driver who rear-ended a car that had started to pull out, and unbeknownest to the person behind him (who was too busy monitoring oncoming traffic to verify the lead car had successfully merged) changed him mind.

Traffic school was very boring, but it was at a Perkins, so hopefully I enjoyed the pancakes or something.  Anyway, when my friend and I finally got out of there, we cautiously started our drive home.  As we were merging onto the highway we noticed something in the right lane—an accident that looked exactly like the one in the picture!  Very clearly, a car had started to pull out, changed its mind and been rewarded with a nice bump from behind.  And, as we were commenting on how funny that was (not because we were glad to see someone pulled over, but because it was just like what we talked about at traffic school) we saw the driver get out and… it was a fellow student from traffic school!!!  Oh the irony!  We laughed the whole way home and it turned out that the non-comedy traffic school was pretty entertaining after all.

For a more recent funny moment:  we were talking with the kids about what they want to be when they grow up.  It started with Jack, who said that he was going to be a lawyer, or maybe a waiter.  Anna chimed in that she wanted to be a doctor.  Last was Kara, who emphatically announced, "I'm going to be a cat!"  Love those kids!!!

Good Days and Bad Days

Friday was a great day.  It was the kind of day where I just love everything about my life.  It started with all 3 of my children getting themselves dressed.  I know it seems like a small thing, but it is often a fight in our house to get Anna to take off her pajamas.  And, Kara still usually requires some assistance.  So, to see them all come out of their bedrooms fully clothed made for the start of a great day.

Then, it was time for a trip to WalMart.  The kids wanted to play Star Wars, so we pretended the van was a spaceship heading to Planet WalMart.  We would open the sun roof to send R2D2 out to make repairs whenever an enemy blast hit us.  Occassionally, we would veer into an asteroid field (rumble strips).  We also had to take an alternate route when a destroyer got to close.  Fortunately, we were able to avoid the evil empire and made it to Planet WalMart (PW) safely.  While in PW, the kids continued to call me Queen Amydala.  Kara was Luke, Anna was Princess Leia, and Jack was Han Solo.  We got some pretty nice looks.  I also got asked twice if Anna and Kara were twins.  For some reason, that always amuses me.

After PW, we headed home for lunch.  After lunch, the kids proceeded to play both outside and then in for almost 2 hours, WITHOUT A SINGLE ARGUMENT!!!  Twice kids were crying, but both times it was because someone was hurt and it wasn't because of their siblings!  Monumental.

The rest of the day was relatively uneventful.  Saturday, we had a great morning/afternoon.  We went to the Potomac Mills Mall and made our first trip to Ikea.  Everyone was (reasonably) well-behaved.  Unfortunately, on the drive home we received a phone call that Thomas' Grandmother, who he is very close to, was not doing so well.  She was not eating or drinking and was only receiving "comfort care."  We quickly came home and began making arrangements for him to fly to Nevada. 

Unfortunately, Anna has been very upset by the news.  She is very scared of dying and was extremely upset that Thomas was going away without her.  He has promised to tell Great-Grandma goodbye for her and to call often.  I am sorry that I cannot be there with Thomas and his family.  I loved his Grandmother and would like to have gone, but it just didn't make sense for us all to travel.  The kids are too young to expect them to know how to behave in this kind of situation.  For the millionith time, I wish we lived closer to family so that we'd have someone to leave the kids with in these emergency situations.  Fortunately, they are rare. 

Writing this is sad.  After our fun on Friday, I knew I wanted to write about it and memorialize the happy memory, but I can't write the good without acknowleding that something bad also happened this week.  I hope our kids always know how much we love them and how our decisions are always based on what we believe is best for our family.  We have a  lot to be thankful for: the health of children, the fact that Thomas was able to drop everything and fly to Nevada on a moment's notice (i.e. a supportive employer), and the love we have in our family. 

Ain't it Nifty, Kara's...3!

As usual, I am running a bit behind with my blogging.  Kara turned 3 on February 12th and we had a fun-filled weekend to celebrate.  Similarly to what we did for Jack and Anna, we gave her a choice: Great Wolf Lodge or a party with friends.  Of course, being February, a party with friends did NOT mean a bouncy house and/or pony rides.  So, she wisely chose Great Wolf Lodge. 

We wanted to go when it was least crowded, so Thomas took the Thursday before her birthday off from work (he had Friday off already) and to Williamsburg we went.  We got to Williamsburg around noon and Kara chose Chick-Fil-A for lunch.  Then, we went to the Williamsburg outlets.  Around 2, we went to the hotel.  And, being a Thursday and all, our room was ready!  You are allowed to start using the pools at 1 on your check-in day, but it was really nice to be able to unload the car and change in our hotel room.  We then went down to the water park area.  They have 3 baby slides, 2 medium slides, and 4 big slides (but, one was out of order).  There was also a wave pool and a giant climbing structure, along with a huge bucket that dropped water every 5 minutes.  The kids were all scared of the giant bucket and thus kind of avoided the climbing structure.  Jack loved it all!  The bigger slides allow dual riders, and he loved riding with Thomas or me.  He also went down the medium slides all by himself.  Next in bravery was Kara, she liked the baby slides and tried 2 of the big slides with Thomas.  But, she didn't like the big slides and said they were scary.  Then, there was Anna.  She wouldn't try any of the slides on the first day.  Not even the baby slides.  But, she did enjoy "swimming" and going in the wave pool.

We left the pools around 6 to get dinner.  I had packed some food, so we ate in our hotel room and then went down to the sweet shop for dessert.  The kids all chose ice cream.  Thomas had a cupcake and I got chocolate covered sprinkled marshmallows kabobs.  We explored a little and then went back to our room.  At 8pm, they invite kids to come in their pajamas to the lobby for a show and story-time.  The show consisted of some singing animatronics.  I wasn't impressed, but the kids liked it.  It only lasted about 10 minutes.  The story time was a book we couldn't hear.  It was crowded!  I can't imagine what a Friday or Saturday night would be like.

Then, we tried to put the kids to bed.  We had a wolf den suite, which meant there were bunk beds set in their own little room (wolf den).  We put Jack on the top and Anna and Kara laid head to foot in the bottom.  After the initial excitement wore off, they all slept pretty well.

In the morning, we had donuts for breakfast and headed back to the pools.  We finally got Anna to go down the baby slide!  I actually had to push her, but alls well that ends well.  Normally, I wouldn't force my kids to try something like that, I certainly wouldn't make them try the other slides, but I knew she would be okay on this one.  She kept climbing the steps and then climbing back down.  Finally, I went up there with her, Thomas positioned himself at the bottom to catch her, and I gave her a little push.  Of course, she enjoyed it.  Then, she was up for trying a bigger slide.  Thomas took her on the family raft one with Jack.  Kara was going to go on, but changed her mind at the top (so much fun walking down all those stairs).  Anna clung to Thomas the whole way, said "that was fun," when she got off, but did not want to go again.  We were very proud of her for trying.  Unfortunately, we didn't take a lot of pictures at GWL.

We played at the water park for about an hour and a half, showered, check-out, and headed for home.  We let Kara chose a movie to watch in the car and she chose Star Wars.  Yes, really.  We also let her choose lunch--Cracker Barrel.  Our table was close to a little checkerboard table, with dual rocking chairs.  The kids loved sitting and playing checkers while we waited for our food.  We got home around 2 and decided to go to the library.  We enjoyed a delicious cheese fondue for dinner.

Saturday, we didn't do much.  Just stuck around the house and played.  Sunday was Kara's actual birthday.  She wanted a purple cake with purple flowers.  She said I could use another color too.  So, I spent a lot of time making her cake, with a few helping hands.  She chose lasagna for dinner (which annoyed Jack and Anna--added birthday bonus?).  We had set up streamers and balloons the night before, so she was very excited to wake up and see those.  She loved blowing out the candles and opening presents.

The kids were very well-behaved all weekend.  When they did fight, it was fun to hear Kara threaten Anna  with, "you are not allowed to come to my birthday party."  Then, Anna would tell Kara she couldn't come to her birthday party, then they would both cry.  In the end, Anna was allowed to come to the party and I am sure Kara will be allowed to attend Anna's in October.

Kara had her 3-year check-up on Monday.  37 inches and 33 pounds.  The doctor was very impressed with how smart she is, he commented a couple of times on what a great vocabulary she has and how good her motor skills are (in particular, how well she jumps).  The blessing (curse?) of the kids in our family--everyone  is a great talker!

Just before check-in

Eating donuts in our hotel room

The kids wanted to help make Kara's cake

Yummy!  We surprised them with different colors in the cake, but they hardly noticed--they were too busy eating.

Group effort to open presents.

I am not sure who was more excited, Jack or Kara?





Cheap Fun and Star Wars

One of my New Year's Resolutions was to keep track of where our money goes.  When you start writing down every dollar spent, you become a little more reluctant to buy those (unneccessary) items that always find their way into the Target shopping cart.  We have also been looking for ways to entertain ourselves that don't cost much.  Granted, it's only been 27 days, but so far so good!

For one of our "cheap fun nights," we had a basement campout.  We ordered pizza from Dominos ($12.70  and we easily get a dinner and lunch out of that) and let the kids pick movies.  They chose The Incredibles and Star Wars.  With regard to Star Wars, Thomas has succeeded in making them all love his favorite movie.  They have seen 4/6 movies (episodes II and III will have to wait until they are a little older) and they constantly ask to watch them again.  Last night, Kara spent several minutes telling me all about how Darth Vader is mean, but Obi Wan Kenobi is nice.   They also like to pretend they are the characters--Anna designates herself as Princess Leia, Jack is Luke, Kara is the "Golden Robot" (also designated by Anna), Thomas is Han Solo or Obi Wan, and I am usually asked to be either R2D2 or Chewbacca.  I think Kara and I get the short end of that stick.   Sometimes, they change it up--yesterday, they spent about 2 hours pretending it was Lumpy's birthday.  For those not in the know, Lumpy is Chewbacca's son, at least according to some strange book we have.  They had a party in their playset and spent the afternoon calling Jack Lumpy.  To further their indoctrination, Thomas is building a Lego Death Star and I kid you not when I say Jack can spend hours playing with the little lego man while Thomas builds.  Kara comes in a pretty close second on the lego enjoyment.  In fact, both kids will frequently choose playing with the lego men over their nightly hour of television.  So far, they haven't reenacted any of the lightsaber battles or tried to "freeze" anyone (something they seemed to fixate on, so we made sure to explain that he was placed in carbonite and not really frozen). 

Back to the campout, we had a picnic on the floor, blew up some air mattresses and settled in for movie night.  I think I fell asleep first.  I woke up when Thomas turned the movie off, not being one to look a gift horse in the mouth, I made my way upstairs for more comfortable sleeping arrangements.  Thomas said the night went well, they spent a lot of time fighting over who got to hold the lantern and all woke up by 6:30.  He kept them entertained until they came to get me at 8.  Then, we had a blueberry pancake breakfast.  The kids loved it all. 

It was a fun weekend, we also went to see Happy Feet 2 at the base theater.  Talk about a bargain!  Kids under 5 are free and adults are only $4.50. We took them to dinner afterward and called it a family date.  I will not put how much we spent at dinner at IHOP afterward.  But, it was not in keeping with our bargain hunting.  What happened to kids eat free?   This weekend, we may give The Muppets a try (sans IHOP).

To get a job or stay at home, that is the question...

I know I am going to come off sounding like a jerk in this blog.  I have decided that's okay.  As something that has been weighing heavily on my mind for the past week, I want to write about it.  One day perhaps my children will read through this blog (since I stopped keeping a journal years ago) and get a better idea of how their mom thought when they were kids.  I wish I had something like this from my own mother.

Anyway, on to the topic at hand.  I stopped working in October 2010.  We decided we would let Thomas be the breadwinner and I would stay home with the kids full-time.  At the time, I was super-excited.  I always thought I wanted to be a stay-at-home mom (SAHM).  I had planned to stop working shortly after the twins were born, then we found out about Kara and decided we would both do another tour.  We may have made the decision regardless, we were offered great jobs in a good location and the opportunity to bulk up our savings account was really appealing. 

Having kids in daycare solidified my desire to stay home.  It was brutal getting them all up and out the door in each morning.  It stunk when someone was sick and we had to figure out who was going to disappoint their boss that day.  Those days usually stretched into a week.  It was hard.  Generally, we spent about 3 hours of their day with them, the rest they spent sleeping or at daycare.  Although they were at a great daycare, they still had (many) days where they really cried at drop-off.  Of course, I can remember at least one weekend when Anna cried because she had to stay home with us.  That also didn't feel good  :)  Once I took a day off because someone was sick.  I can't remember which kid it was, but they were on the mend, so we went for a walk.  We came across a bevy of SAHMs in the neighborhood who were just hanging out.  It was clear they knew each other well.  I knew them in passing, one neighbor had a tradition of Friday night beers, and we would often stop by (for water).  Anyway, the kids played, the ladies chatted.  It was fun.  I couldn't wait to be able to have a life like that full-time.  Remember, at the time I only had 1 kid with me.  I should have factored that into the equation, but I didn't.

Shortly after that, I got my wish.  I became a SAHM.   I was definitely spot-on about how convenient it is. When the kids get sick there is no stressful scheduling.  They get to sleep until their bodies (or siblings) wake them and there is a lot more time for cooking healthy meals.  Instead of 3 hours a day, I spend all their waking hours with them. We go to story time and the park.  Occassionally, we meet Thomas for lunch--a favorite for all of us.  When he has to work late, he doesn't worry about my schedule.  I also got to say goodbye to the stress of work, no difficult deadlines or demanding clients.  Well, the kids are demanding, but I can send them to their rooms.

But, the drawbacks.  The big one is obviously the money.  I miss the security of two incomes (and all that it brings).  But, the drawback I didn't anticipate is that it really isn't the fun adventure I (unrealistically) expected.  Sometimes, I'm lonely.  Thomas is here in the evenings, but there is a lot of daylight to burn during the 10+ hours a day he is gone.  We don't live in a fun neighborhood where every afternoon the SAHMs get together.  And, here's where I am going to sound like a jerk, I also miss having people listen to me.  I miss giving advice and feeling valued.  Frankly, I miss feeling important.  The other day a friend I hadn't talked to since high school made a comment about my being lucky to have married a lawyer.  People don't even realize I am a lawyer too!  Once upon a time, I was a trusted member of a staff that made important decisions.  Now, my important decisions seem to be what to make for dinner and if the kids need to wear gloves to go outside.  Not exactly intellectually taxing. 

With all that background in mind, you can see the dilemma I was faced with when Thomas came home and told me about an open position in one of the legal offices on base.  It seemed like a good fit for my experience, we could carpool, and the pay was great.  I went through a lot of rationalizations about how this would be different--we would hire a nanny.  We could even get a live-in.  That would alleviate a lot of the problems we had when we both worked before.  I went back and forth for days.  I literally thought about it for hours and hours and hours.  Thomas' preference was for me to stay home, but he offered unwavering support for whichever direction I chose.

So, what did I choose?  I chose not to apply.  As much as I want to (and I really do), I could not come up with any scenario where it was better for my kids to be with a stranger for the vast majority of their waking hours.  There are too many moments I would miss.  Every now and then Kara spontaneously hugs me and tells me I am her best friend.  How could I give that up?  We are fortunate enough that I don't have to work (although it means a different lifestyle than we had in previous years) and I truly believe that what we are giving them now is more valuable then what we would gain from my working.  I certainly support all those who make a different decision, and if we had a family support system here, I might have come out differently.  But, for the foreseeable future (particularly since we are considering home-schooling--a topic for another day), I will be content where I am.

New Year's Resolutions

I know a lot of people hate making new year's resolutions. Personally, I like them. I think any excuse to sit back and evaluate is a good one. And, with how quickly time goes by these days, a yearly analysis doesn't seem so bad. I don't do resolutions every year. In 2011, with all the changes we were facing, I probably just wanted to survive. Actually, that's been pretty much the case since the kids were born.

But, things have calmed down considerably at the Wilson house. The difference between a 3-year-old and a 4-year-old is pretty astonishing (of course, I still have a 2 (almost 3) year old to survive, but we're getting there). So, I felt like setting some goals this year. I can remember one year, as a teenager, when I completed all of my resolutions. I can only remember a couple (bowl a 200 was on there), but I certainly enjoyed the sense of accomplishment a good year brings. Just in case anyone is curious, bowling will not be on the list this year, I piqued at that game when I was 13 and I would be lucky to break 100 now.

So what are they? Nothing unusual: eat healthier, yell less, keep the house clean, keep track of money, do nice things for my husband and children (all written in a quantifiable way). I even made a little notebook to keep track of my progress. There is nothing earth-shattering, and frankly, nothing particularly difficult. All my "resolutions" are things I should be doing anyway.  

So, here's a to a successful 2012!  It is always interesting to think about what the year will bring. If my family is happy and healthy when we ring in 2013, I will consider the year a good one.