Memorial Day Weekend Extravaganza!!!

I like to think I am patriotic. When holidays like Memorial Day and Veteran's Day roll around I think about the sacrifice our veterans have made, from revolutionary times to our current conflicts. Sometimes Thomas and I will watch military movies or documentaries. This memorial day, I also watched videos of the Top 10 patriotic songs (my favorite: God Bless the USA). I definitely find myself teary eyed and I pray for our military families, past and present.

Now, with all that being said, I also really love a good three-day weekend! We decided to make this one an especially eventful one. We kicked off with a Friday trip to Lowe's and the purchase of a new grill. We went to the store expecting to buy a gigantic propane powered monster. Instead, we went back to our roots with a small, charcoal-driven "roundabout".

Thomas decided he was going to plan a special menu. His theme was mint. Chosen in honor of the giant mint patch we have growing in our front walk. We had pork chops with a mint glaze and a wonderful fruit salad topped with a minty mango sauce. And, we ate outside. The kids LOVE eating on the deck. Actually, we all love eating on the deck. It faces east, so it is perfectly situated for an evening meal. We ended with ice cream cones and stayed outside until bedtime.

Saturday morning we went to the beach. We considered it a test-run. It wasn't The Beach, like the Atlantic or Pacific. It was a state park, Chesapeake Bay beach. We had it all to ourselves and the kids were completely enamored. It was a big switch from our first beach trip, where Anna was scared of the sand and wouldn't move from the blanket. We stayed for about 90 minutes with the kids in the water the whole time. We tried to get them to explore the park, but they just weren't interested. Jack was fearless, wading almost up to his neck at times. All three kids had moments where we had to rescue them. I guess turning yourself rightside up is not as intuitive as one would think. I am really glad we are starting swim lessons next week. If nothing else, I want them to learn to turn themselves over when they can touch the ground.

Then, we went to WalMart for some garden supplies and an inflatable kids' pool. We got home in time for lunch (leftover pork chops) and nap time. After nap, it was time for a baseball game. We met with some friends at the Blue Crabs stadium to cheer for our local team and hopefully catch some fireworkds. Unfortunately, we didn't get there in time for the hat giveaway and we didn't make it until the end of the game for the fireworks. But, the kids had a wonderful time. We sat on the lawn and brought chairs and a blanket and we all had a great time.

Sunday was church and family movie night. Monday, we went to a picnic with our church and it was so fun! The kids got to ride horses, eat sno-cones, and play with their friends. Oh, and eat some really good food.

Now, we are having a quiet day in to recover from our wonderful weekend. As the kids get older, it is so much more enjoyable to take them out to do things. It is also funny how our idea of "fun" has changed. Now, watching them have fun and seeing things through their eyes is fun for us. We can't have that kind of action every week. Monday night, the laundry had piled up and the house was a wreck, but it was definitely worth it!

My Mother.

I can remember being 4 or 5 and praying to God, asking Him for a real baby to take care of. The next day I was really scared because I was sure He was going to grant my request. I quickly prayed again, this time telling Him "never mind." That is my first memory of wanting to be a mom.

My own mother was simply wonderful. She was honest, patient and kind. She exemplified what a mother should be like. On this Mother's Day, I pay tribute with some of my favorite memories (in no particular order):

1. Before I left for college, my mother told me, "you are going to college to study and learn, but also to have fun. Don't sacrifice either one of those things for the other." It was really good advice. Sometimes a path may have seemingly contrasting purposes, but that doesn't mean you can't prioritize and enjoy.

2. Her advice that when baking, one should only use real vanilla. This advice was given to me as a young teenager. I listened to her advice and even as a poor college student only bought the real stuff. Years later, we were shopping together and vanilla was on her list. I handed her the expensive bottle and she said, "this is way too expensive, give me the imitation." I asked her about her great baking advice and told her how I had followed it for years and years. She said, "oh, I was wrong." I still laugh about that one whenever I buy vanilla (imitation of course).

3. "It is better to light a candle than to curse the darkness." This and other well-placed quotes were often given in our home (I think having an English background aided her in this). This one was uttered with perfect timing while she was in the midst of an argument with my father over something small (I believe it was over the cluttered countertops). I can still picture the look on my dad's face.

4. Shortly after I learned to drive I ran over one of the sprinklers in our front yard. They didn't work and it probably wasn't that big of a deal. A few hours later, my mother noticed and asked if I did it. I said, no, I didn't.  I am not sure why I said no, but it was a lie that I was now caught in. She pointed out the evidence (i.e. the car I had driven still sitting there). I insisisted I hadn't done it. I could tell she knew I was lying. But, she let it go. For some reason, I have always appreciated her not calling me out on this. It was stupid. I knew it was stupid. It has stuck with me for years and I wish I could apologize for that lie.

5. When I had the twins I was on hospital bedrest for a month. My parents called me every night. Even though we talked everyday and my routine had little to no variation, my mom and I would usually find something good to talk about, sometimes at length. I know she had better things to do, but she always made me feel like I was a priority. I don't really like talking on the phone, but I always enjoyed talking to my mom and those phone calls are a great memory from that time.

6. As an adult, I once asked her what age for her children she enjoyed the most. She thought for a minutes and said, "I can't pick one. There was something great about each stage and I always enjoyed whichever one you kids were in." I could tell she meant it. How great is that? It made me feel really loved. I hope I can enjoy my children at every age. Maybe that is part of not cursing the darkness? I am sure she would have an apropos quote.

Although these memories probably seem insignificant to most and are certainly not a proper tribute to a woman who exemplified so many positive traits, they are what come to mind now. She encouraged me in everything I did and always believed I could do and be anything. So, I hope now that God has granted my request, I can become the kind of mother she was. I miss her everyday.

Pavlov's Dog and My Children

When the twins were 2, the only show we really watched was Sesame Street. Our schedule then dictated that we have a night-time snack. We somehow got in the habit of eating bananas. We would make them wait until "Elmo's World" came on. This went on for months. Then, we added other shows to our repertoire and Sesame Street fell out of favor. So did bananas. We moved and didn't watch anything for a week or two. We started eating dinner later and stopped having a night-time snack. Their entire routine was altered.

A few weeks ago, we recorded a new Sesame Street and offered it to the children to watch for their pre-bed show. They reluctantly agreed to forgo Dora and Diego. Imagine our surprise when as soon as "la la lala la la lala, Elmo's World" sounded the kids demanded a banana. Seriously, it had been months! They were conditioned! Sesame Street has made it back into the rotation and every time they hear that music, all three of them run into the kitchen to look for a banana.

Now, how to harness that power for good? Still working on that. What experiment should we try now that we have proven classical conditioning for toddlers?

Food choices and self-reliance

Unfortunately, this weekend was a drill weekend for Thomas, which meant the kids and I were on our own. Saturday, I volunteered to help out at Christmas in April. So, the kids were fortunate enough to spend some time with one of their favorite babysitters. When I returned home, Anna was happy to tell me the events of the morning. One thing she was not happy about--Chaiya's refusal to allow them to eat cheetos for snack. Apparently, Chaiya told them cheetos were not good for their bodies and Anna was quite skeptical. How could something in such a fantastic orange shade not be good nourishment?

Lately, I have been reflecting a lot on the food we eat. I try and make sure they eat lots of fruits and vegetables, but we also eat a lot of convenience food. Their favorite is macaroni and cheese. This year, we planted a garden. The kids loved working in the dirt. They especially enjoyed placing the seeds and covering them. Now, we like to examine the garden on a daily basis to see if anything has changed. The little green tops have just started to spring forth. We are all very excited about what the garden will bring. Since this is our first ever garden, I am not very optimistic. I figure this is sort of an experimental year. We threw down a lot of seeds and we'll see if anything takes. My hope is to get the kids excited for vegetables. We could all definitely use more green in our diets. Anna and Kara like salad and most vegetables, but I am not sure Jack has eaten a single green thing (without threats or incentives) in the past year.

I also want us to become a bit more self-reliant. I remember being in fifth-grade and having a Spring Fling. Each girl was assigned a color and a note was sent home to our mothers, instructing them to make ankle-length skirts in that color. There were one or two girls whose mothers didn't sew, but not many. I wonder what would happen if they were to ask that of mothers today? I personally would need some help. I did take sewing classes at 15, but I don't think I could make anything suitable for public viewing. In the grand-scheme of things, it wasn't that long ago (1988), but it seems like a different era. My mother could sew and knit and crochet and quilt. I am pretty sure she could bake bread and can vegetables. I don't do any of those things. She tried to teach me, but I was too impatient to bother to learn. This means that my daughters will probably not learn these skills. But, I want them to know the satisfaction that comes from making something useful with your own hands. Thomas' father enjoys rebuilding cars, his grandfather essentially built a house, but these are not abilities our son will possess.

Certainly, there are many people my age and younger who have these skills, I am just not one of them. Lately, I am feeling a sense of loss because of that. If we lost electricity and the ability to shop at a 24/hour Walmart, could my family survive? I feel a burden, having people who depend on me, and a fear of letting them down. So, we will plant a garden, I will make something using my sewing machine and maybe I will even bake some bread. It's a start.

On a lighter note, every day we ask the kids what their favorite part of the day was. Today, Kara said, "playing outside on our playground." Jack said, "playing in the garden." Anna said, "taking a bath." Why might that be funny? Because we didn't actually do any of those things today. We went to church, we ate lunch, we took naps, we watched a family movie, we played in the basement. Glad all of that was memorable for them.

Allergies and Mommy Guilt

As some of you might guess, I am pretty good at following rules. I'm like a Boy Scout that way. When I was pregnant with Jack and Anna, I kept myself informed. I read the recommended books, I ate healthy foods, I exercised regularly. None of this kept me from going into labor at 30 weeks (and giving birth at 35). None of it kept Anna out of the NICU. I spent a lot of time thinking about what I could have done better to prevent that preterm labor. Jack came home with us when he was 2 days old. Anna had to wait a little bit longer. But, it seemed as though we escaped unscathed from the perils of prematurity.

Fast forward six months to the introduction of solid foods. All seemed to go well until we got to the one-year mark when the experts, upon whom I heavily relied, said I could introduce eggs. That did not go well. We were at Cracker Barrel when I decided that they could try a bite of my eggs. Jack immediately broke out in a red, hivy rash around his month. It was so bright that people literally stopped eating and started staring when we walked past. We got in the car, thinking we should take him to the hospital. But, he wasn't having any trouble breathing and didn't appear to be in any distress. After about 15 minutes the rash cleared-up.

The doctor told us not to worry. Egg allergy was common and he would most likely outgrow it. After all, no one else on either side of the family had any type of food allergies. At 18-months I let him have a bite of a peanut butter cookie. He broke out in hives all over his body. It was terrifying. I drove him to the emergency room. They gave him benadryl, kept an eye on him, and sent us home a few hours later.

So, why the title of this post? Because I felt like I had failed him. I had terrible morning sickness for the first 20 weeks of pregnancy. One of the few things I could keep down was peanut butter crackers. I ate a lot of them. Clearly, that was why he was now allergic. I had done this to him. Because of me, he was doomed to a life without chocolate or cupcakes or cookies. A life at the peanut-free table.

I was not yet familiar with what products contained peanuts. I had become more informed about food allergies after the diagnosis of the egg allergy, but that one was not likely to cause anaphylactic shock. I was careful about egg, but terrified of accidental peanut consumption. That was 2 years ago. I am not terrified any more. I am ashamed now that I cried so much over an allergy. My children are healthy. I am fortunate.

I am thankful for the Food Allergy Labeling and Consumer Protection Act. And, I am frustrated by people who think parents blow allergies out of proportion, just because when they were small there were no peanut-free classrooms or sections at the ballpark. I hate to admit it, but I was once one of them. I had always felt that we live in a democracy and majority rules and if you can't fall in line with that, then too bad for you. But, it is not that simple. In all my knowledge, I was ignorant. I thought I was compassionate, but in reality, his allergy diagnosis changed my perspective beyond the question of what a parent should be allowed to send in for a school holiday party.

I no longer believe I caused his allergy (well, mostly believe). And, of course I'm sorry he has it. But, it certainly was nothing to cry about.

The Root of All Evil?

The answer to the title of this blog? Television. What are my kids doing right now? Take a wild guess. Yeah, that.

The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends no television for children under 2 years old. We adhered strictly to this policy in our home when the twins were small. However, they spent the first 16 months of life at a home daycare where there was not strict compliance. This difference of opinion lead to quite a nasty e-mail exchange, where studies by experts were exchanged and parenting techniques were belittled. We lost the battle, but kept fighting the war.
Today, our self-proclaimed policy is one hour a day max. Exceptions are allowed when children (or parents) are sick, it is raining, or for a weekly movie night where the max is increased to 90 minutes (and, if I'm being honest, for whatever other reason we can justify). Today, it is raining. We took baths. We spent two and a half hours in our playroom. We sang songs, read books, built towers, and put together puzzles. Then, we hit a wall. Tempers grew short (theirs), patience dissipated (mine). It was 11:15am. So, up the stairs we came. On the television went. They are watching Dora. When I asked my two year old to count for me today, she stated, "uno, dos, tres, quatro..." The influence of Dora and Diego.

They look forward to their one-hour of t.v. They take turns picking which shows to watch. Some shows have been banned in our house. Max and Ruby is no longer mentioned. Jack had decided Max was a good role-model and began to speak only one word at a time. It. Drove. Me. Crazy.

We make the decisions for what is best for our children. We will live with the consequences of those decision. This is true of television and every other minute decision we make on a daily basis. Today it is television. Tomorrow, it gets harder. Or maybe just different.

The decision for this minute is lunch. The request is quesadillas. I think I can handle that.

Day 1

For a while, I have contemplated getting on the blogging bandwagon. After all, I used to enjoy writing. My mom thought I was good at it. And, if your own mother says you have a talent, aren't you obligated to foster it? Besides, it will be a good memorialization of this point in time. Perhaps one day my children will appreciate it. Just like I am sure they will appreciate all the sacrifices I have made for them. Body, career, identity outside of mommydom. You know, the usual.

I think I will have a lot of material to work with. I stopped "working" in October. Six long months ago. We moved halfway across the county. My husband started a new job. There have been a lot of adjustments. I think it was easier for the kids than the adults. They like their new house and their new yard and their new friends. I wish I could make "best friends" like my three-year old daughter, Anna. She loves everyone and everyone loves her.

As an introduction to the other two: Kara is 2 years and 2 months; she will no longer let me call her baby. She has instructed that she will only answer to Kara or pumpkin. I am glad she is letting me hold on to pumpkin. Jack recently put vaseline on the cat. He is a very energetic three-year old boy.

So here I sit in our new (to us) house. The kids are napping (or at least in their rooms). The husband is at work. It is still novel to me to sit on the couch in the middle of the day and watch t.v. or use the computer. A definite perk to the job.

Overall, life is good. In fact, life is very good.