On June 27th I started a job that was to last for 3-months. On July 5th we found out that Thomas was going to be working in Hawaii for 80+ days. Five days later he was gone and my adventure as a single, working mother began. Unlike the majority of single mothers (I am assuming majority), I was able to hire someone to come to our home each day. With a toddler and two preschoolers, financially it was probably pretty close to the same as sending them to daycare. However, it certainly made my life much easier. When Thomas and I worked the thing that I hated the most was waking up an obviously tired child to hurriedly feed, dress, and transport them to daycare. Once there, they would frequently beg me not to leave them. But, I did leave them. Granted, most days they were excited to see their teachers and friends and it was an excellent program... Hey! I don't need to justify myself to you. Let's just say it was nice having a babysitter they adored. In fact, some days I found myself wishing they would beg me not to leave them.
Back on track: single parenting. We dropped Thomas off at the airport on Sunday, July 11. Jack and Anna understood what was happening. We thought Kara did. But, when I put her to bed that night, she asked, "Daddy tuck me in when he gets home?" It was heartbreaking. She asked for several days if she was going to see him. And, got very sad when she would hear his voice. She still cries for him occassionally, and sometimes, particularly when she's mad at me, she'll woefully say, "I miss my Daddy; he's never coming home <big sigh>." Jack, I suspect, is angry at Thomas. He'll spontaneously mention missing him, and if we do fill-in-the-blank stories, Jack always injects a Daddy plotline, but sometimes he refuses to talk to him on the phone. Anna is always ready to have a conversation. She has enjoyed checking the days off on a calendar and is secure in the knowledge that Daddy will be home before her birthday.
For me, it has been trying. Someone said recently in a Sunday School class that having children taught them patience. Having children taught me that I don't have a lot of patience. Being a single, working parent taught me that I have no patience. When I get home from work I really want to spend time with them, but I have trouble getting my mind to enjoy the moment and stop focusing on everything else I need to get done. And, things that previously were only slight annoyances are now major irriations (like why they insist on playing with my deodarant? no matter where I put it they find it and move it). But, lest this turn into a whining session, here are the things I like about going it alone: when I do watch t.v., no one questions my choices. I can get away with not cooking (a real) dinner. I don't feel (as) guilty about a messy house. I can splay across the bed in whatever fashion I choose. Hmm, that's all I can come up with.
Now, what I like the least. Ummm, just kidding. I don't even want to get into that. Okay, actually I did get into that, but it was like six paragraphs long and I don't like how I sounded. So, I've deleted all that and I'll sum it up with: a whole lot less free time.
For me this is temporary. Thomas will be home, I'll stop working and life will return to "normal". It hasn't been all bad. It's been nice having two incomes. And, I did learn a lot. I feel more grateful for the quality time I do have with my children. This has also been a powerful reminder of what an obscenely outstanding husband and father Thomas is. Finally, the support of my friends has been wonderful. It is hard to be away from family. I would never feel bad about calling up my sister and saying, "Kim, take these monsters; I just need an hour. Please. Help me." But, it is harder to say that to friends. So, it has been nice to have friends who invited us over and kept our weekends full and fun. And for the friends currently staying with us that just take the kids outside or for an ice cream cone, without my even asking/begging. Finally, thank goodness for reliable, good childcare. Our amazing babysitter even went shopping with us in her off time. How many people go it "alone" with that kind of support?
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