Nostalgia and Sadness

On Sunday, June 17th, I flew up to Providence to attend a course at the Naval Justice School in Newport, RI.  Since classes usually start early on Monday mornings, students generally fly in the day before.  My choices for direct flights allowed me to get in at 1123AM or 8PM.  I chose the morning flight and excitedly began to plan out what I would do when I got into town.

Going to Newport is always fun because until about age 10 (except for a brief stint in Utah), I grew up just across the border in Massachusetts.  So, I like to go there and drive by the old haunts; since I was 10 when we left, that basically means my old houses, the mall and my grandmother's house.  This time, I had a new sight to visit--my mother's grave.  My mother died of breast cancer in January 2008.  And, this was going to be my first visit to the cemetery.  She died in Florida, surrounded by her family and then my Aunt had her remains buried in Westport, MA.  My mother loved living in Westport, she would ride her bike on 20-mile rides, taking in some of the most scenic vistas in the country, at least in my (biased) opinion.  The cemetery is just a couple of miles from a house we lived in and I still remember getting ice cream at the creamery that is almost directly across the street.  In other words, I think she would hardily approve the burial choice.

So, the first thing I wanted to do when getting into town was visit my mother.  I rented a car and headed to Westport.  I stopped in at Handy Hill (the previously mentioned creamery) to get an ice cream cone before beginning the hunt for my mother's grave.  Going to Handy Hill is fun, I can remember going there often as a child.  I love that they call sprinkles, "jimmies".  I think I am going to have to bring that term back into my house.  It didn't appear that the place has changed much, it still looked like a local's favorite, particularly for people heading home from the beach.  After my peppermint patty cone, I went across the street to find my mother.  My dad has visited her, so I called him for assistance in finding the site.  It was Father's Day, so the place was pretty crowded.  Eventually, I did find her grave.  It was nice to sit down and talk.  I think about her every day, but I don't often just talk to her.

After I finished at the cemetery it was around 1pm so I decided to go to lunch.  My dad highly recommended a place called Evelyn's.  A quick internet search revealed that it had been featured on "Diners, Drive-In's, and Dives," and was relatively close to where I was.  Since I needed some cheering up, some nice New England seafood seemed like the way to go.  I got a clam roll and some clam cakes and sat by the water to enjoy my meal.  You can tell where my priorities were--I took a picture of the clam roll, but not the harbor.  After lunch I headed off to Newport.

The class was good; I learned a lot.  I also went out and ate a lot of seafood (more clams and some lobster).  Thomas and I spent five months training in Newport after law school.  My favorite thing about the base was the running trail that goes around the perimeter.  While we were there the first time, Thomas ruptured his calf.  There wasn't much he could do for the last 3 months and to get out of our hotel room, I spent a lot of time running.  I got to the point where I could easily do 5-miles in 45-minutes and I loved how that felt.  I can no longer run like that, but I still looked forward to doing a walk/jog combo.  The trail takes you down by the Saratoga (an old carrier) and I just love to imagine the history and the tens of thousands of people who lived and served on the ship.  Anyway, to help combat all the fried clams, I ran each morning and went for walks most nights.  Another big "nostalgia" point for me was eating in the galley.  I went there for dinner one night and loved seeing all the training companies.  There were several ODS groups (when I went there it was OIS--Officer Indoctrination Schools, but same thing) and just like we did, they had to stand reviewing their little books until the last member of the company had their food, then they all sat together and ate in silence while the Chief set the 15-minute timer.  One company was doing push-ups out in the grass before coming in (someone probably called the Chief "Sir").  I was glad it was them and not me (see August 2011 post entitled "The Longest 6 Weeks of my Life" for more info).  Anyway, it was fun thinking of myself being there 8 years ago and all that has changed since.

The class ended on Friday at noon and my flight didn't leave until 5.  So, I decided to do some more driving.  I first stopped and picked up some flowers to bring to my mom.  It was fun looking for flowers, almost like she was still alive.  I chose the ones I thought she would like best (lots of purple--her favorite color) and went back to the cemetery.  I said my goodbyes and stopped again at Handy Hill and had another ice cream and a lobster roll.  My mom would have appreciated all the ice cream and seafood I consumed that week  :)

After the cemetery, I still had plenty of time, so I drove past 2 more houses we used to live in and my grandmother's old house.  I was saddened to see that one of the houses has been abandoned and taken over by vegetation.  I thought about my brother and I eating raspberries off the bushes around that house and playing in the woods.  I remember "running away" and camping out in the back yard.  I remember playing on an old swingset and waiting for the school bus. The memories are stagnant, but time just marches on around them.  I still feel almost like I should still be a kid when I am there, instead I am mother to 3 kids of my own.  It was a very visual reminder that my mother is gone and I haven't been a child for a long time.

After that, I went down around the mall area.  Every time I visit (the last time was 5 years ago) there are more and more chain stores.  I hope that they don't eventually force the little guys, like Handy Hill and Evelyn's, out of business.  I love the history of the area and the old houses and the stone walls that were built centuries ago.  Those places still exist, and I hope that the commercial growth stays confined to its current corridor.

My final stop was Battle Ship Cove, which is in Fall River, MA.  They have several decommissioned ships that you can visit and neat museums nearby.  The last time I was there, also for a course in Newport, my sister's family and my mother had come up for a vacation.  I spent the weekend after my course with them and among other things, we went Letter Boxing at the park overlooking the Cove.  More bittersweet memories.

I've been here lots of time, both as a kid and an adult.  Always fun.

Finally, I went to the airport.  My plane ended up being delayed about 5 hours, but I did make it home that night.  Ultimately, it was a good trip.  Although this blog seemed to focus a little more on the sadness, I am grateful for so many happy memories.