The Art of Appreciation

Like most parents, Thomas and I want the best for our children.  We will consider ourselves successful if they grow up to be happy, contributing members of society.  Sometimes, that feels like a pretty tall order.

About two months ago we instituted a toy ban in our house.  There are no new toys allowed until our kids show us that they can take care of the toys that they have.  This stems from the frustration of seeing how irresponsibly they treat their belongings. Recently, I saw an article that showed kids with their most valued possession(s).  The photographer had pictures from around the world.  You can imagine what the children in the poorest of areas looked like, kids who were smiling into the camera from a dirt floor holding a single item.  Then, at the other end of the extreme was a child whose room resembled an FAO Schwartz showroom.  I am sure that neither can imagine the life of the other.  Somewhere in that wide middle-range lies our family. We are in a position to fulfill some of our kids' desires.  In fact, on many occasions we have walked into a store and left with items that were not on any list.  Although relatively commonplace (before the ban) this is something that was rare in our own childhoods.  We have given in to our children's requests because we can.  It is fun to buy things for them, it is nice to see them happy. However, it often seems that the more we give, the less they appreciate what they already have.  (Just to be clear, I do not think our children have an extreme amount, my guess is that we are pretty average for their age-bracket.)

I am glad that our children do not have to experience abject poverty, but I still want them to know it exists.  I want to teach them to value what they have. When they carelessly break a toy, their first thought is that Mommy or Daddy will buy me another one and if not, then it doesn't matter, because there are others just like it (I know this is their first thought, because they guilelessly express it to me).

Recently, we told Anna and Kara to clean their room.  This is obviously a regularly requested task, but on this occasion, they fought and cried and made each other and us miserable with their inability to complete the simple task.  Two long hours passed and very little was accomplished.  Finally, we told them that we were going to set a timer for 10 minutes and when the timer went off, anything still on the floor would go into a trash bag.  Ten minutes later, they had made zero progress.  So, we went in with a trash bag and threw everything away.  Amazingly enough, they were happy. After a few initial tears, they expressed genuine relief at not having to worry about those toys anymore.  They liked having a clutter-free space to enjoy.  Of course, the majority of their toys are in the basement, so while we did fill a 13-gallon trash bag  (including all the trash that accumulates-- like some "priceless pictures" and random shoe boxes), it did not put much of a dent in their overall supply.

This clean-up was step one.  We also took them into the basement and put toys into keep, trash and sell/donate piles (this was around the time of the community yard sale).  Step two was the toy ban. We will make exceptions for birthdays and Christmas (but, we have already told them that if they have a party with friends, the invitation will specifically request no presents).  Step 3 will be buying them less when those special days do come around.  Step 4 will be trying to teach them to be charitable.  Wish us luck!