Happy Anniversary, Kori!

In celebration of our 12^th wedding anniversary, Kori and I decided to list our 10 favorite memories with each other.  It was really fun coming up with the list, as anytime I spend reminiscing about Kori is time well spent.  Without further ado, here are my top 10 memories with Kori:

#10. The Village. In August 2004, Kori and I were staying with her parents in central Florida waiting to ship out for the Navy when Hurricane Charley came through. We went days without electricity, running water or air conditioning in the sweltering Florida August heat. It was not a fun time. We happened to come across a strip mall that inexplicably had power and a movie theater. Kori and I sat in that air conditioned theater and for two hours, letting M. Night Shyamalan help us forget about how miserable things were outside of the theater walls. I remember walking out of the theater, back into the dystopian life that was post-hurricane central Florida and thinking how grateful I was for the wonderful things in my life—with the best part being the beautiful woman walking next to me.  Nothing is as bad as it seems when you have someone you love next to you.

A shot of the damage from Hurricane Charley.

#9. Baseball Cards. When we lived in Lexington, there was a truck stop that we periodically would stop at to gas up.  Inside, they had “grab bags” of baseball cards.  It would be a pack of cards, but not in a factory sealed package.  Rather, it was simply someone who took a bunch of their old cards, separated them into 25 card stacks, put a rubber band around them, and sold them for a $1 each.  One time, Kori came out of the truck stop with a pack.  There was never anything good in those packs, so I couldn’t believe my eyes when I came across an Alan Trammell card.  Trammell was one of the best players in the game and was my all-time favorite player.   I squealed like a school girl as I showed Kori (“Look!  I got an Alan Trammell!  This is so awesome!!”)  Eventually, I turned my attention back to the remaining cards and found myself again amazed.  “Oh my gosh—there’s another Trammell card!  What are the odds?  I can’t believe this!!!”  I think after the 4^th Trammell card I realized that something was up. It turned out that Kori ordered a bunch of Alan Trammell cards from EBay then quickly inserted them into the pack.  It was an extremely thoughtful gesture.  It wasn’t even my birthday or Christmas.  Just a random thoughtful surprise and another example of the wonderful person Kori is.

#8. Disney (Sans Kids).  Kori planned a Disney World vacation for the family in 2012.  It was the kid’s first Disney experience and everyone loved it.  We rented a house for the week and various friends and family came up for a day or two at a time to stay with us--it was great.  My favorite memory from that trip was when a family friend agreed to watch the kids at the house while Kori and I went to one of the parks.  I had so much fun.  As is a traditional parents’ lament, before we had kids, Kori and I used to do all sorts of fun things. We took trips, would see movies in an actual movie theater, and we’d go to amusement parks.  So with the kids safely back at the rental house (no, we weren’t mean parents who left their kids home twiddling their thumbs while we went to Disney—the rental house had a pool and an awesome game room.  Trust us, the kids were living large) Kori and I went to Hollywood Studios and rode all the “big rides” that we had been missing out on because the kids were too small to ride.  I loved walking through the park together, standing in line holding hands, and just being “us” again.  It was as if we went back in time 10 years and I loved every second of it. 

We were having too much fun to take photos, but here's a photo of the Tower of Terror.  It's one of the rides we were able to go on since we didn't have the kids with us.  

#7. All Star Game.  I love baseball and my favorite team is the Detroit Tigers.  In 2005, the Tigers hosted the MLB All-Star Game, which happened to coincide with my 30^th birthday.  Lo and behold, Kori surprised me with a trip to Detroit.  From start to finish, we had a blast, but my favorite memory was the home run derby—it was such an awesome event.  Ivan Rodriguez (a Tiger at the time) was in the competition, and he made it all the way into the finals.  So there was already a buzz in the air.  To top it off, Bobby Abreu set a record (which still stands today) for most home runs hit.  With each successive blast, the crowed became even more frenzied.  It was so incredible—40,000 people all on their feet gasping with amazement.  With seemingly every pitch, Kori and I were giving each other high-fives and screaming, “Oh my gosh!  Did you see where that one landed?  That was incredible!!”  It truly was incredible, and it was made so much better by sharing that moment with my best friend.

#6. Snorkeling.  Kori and I went on a cruise a couple months ago.  It was a wonderful experience-- just the two of us for five days and four blissful nights in the Caribbean.  There are so many wonderful memories but the one that stands out the most was when we went snorkeling on Coco Cay in the Bahamas.  There was something so peaceful and serene about it.  We were underwater, essentially in another world.  We saw cool looking rocks and all sorts of aquatic life.  And it was eerily quiet—the only sounds being the Darth Vader-like breathing taking place with the snorkel gear.  For a while, we had an entire little cove to ourselves.  We played and splashed around like we were kids.  In an entire trip of nothing but amazing memories, those couple hours stand out as my favorite. 

#5. Dinner at Texas Roadhouse.  I’m cheating a bit here, because this isn’t a specific memory.  But when I think of my all-time favorite moments, I can’t help but think about the time spent having dinner at the Texas Roadhouse with Kori.  For sure there are restaurants with a greater emotional connection for us (The Colorado Fondue Co. where we ate on our honeymoon and our 2^nd Anniversary or the Melting Pot) but there’s something special about eating at the Texas Roadhouse.  The food is fine, and the atmosphere is fun enough.  But the thing that really sticks out is that it’s “our” place.  We can’t take the kids (there are peanuts everywhere—on the tables, on the floors, on the towel by the doors) so anytime we eat there, it’s just me and Kori.  Ever since we had kids, it’s been really hard for us to have an identity outside that of “parent.”  Seemingly everywhere we go, it’s with kids.  So it’s nice to have a place where we can go and leave “Mommy and Daddy” home and just be Kori and Thomas.  The Texas Roadhouse is that place for us.  And for that reason, it’s secured a place on this list.

#4. Carriage Ride.  In early 2010, we were living in Tennessee and Kori’s friend came and to watch the kids while Kori and I went away for the weekend.  This was our first time away from the kids.  Starting with the twins’ birth in 2007, our lives had been a constant blur.  We were essentially zombies.  The babies were still waking up throughout the night and seemingly every waking hour of our lives was devoted to either work or the babies.  So the thought of going away for an entire weekend was extremely appealing.  Because we didn’t know how the kids would react to us being away, we didn’t want to go too far away.  We decided to drive to Little Rock.  We had never been there and quite frankly, never had any inclination to go, but it was only a few hours away so like Collin Raye, we headed out to Little Rock.  We stayed at a very nice bed and breakfast (The Empress) in the heart of the city.  It turned out to be a pretty fun trip.  Unlike every other trip we’ve made, we had no agenda when we arrived.  We just picked up a tourist magazine and found things we thought would be fun.  And it was fun.  And there was really something exciting about visiting a place we had never been and knew nothing about and just going wherever the wind blew us. There were so many great memories about that trip, but for me, the best was going on a horse-drawn carriage ride through the city as the sun set.  The sounds of the city contrasted with the “clip-clop” of the horses was oddly relaxing.  We just sat back and took in the scenes and enjoyed each other’s company—something we had not done in nearly three years.  It was a wonderful experience and a treasured memory.

Unfortunately, this is not a photo of our actual carriage. 

#3. Kori Wins the Hugh H. Howell Award.  In 2013 Kori and I attended the Navy JAG Corps reserve training symposium in Norfolk, Virginia.  It’s where all of the reserve JAGs gather to discuss important issues.  It’s a pretty big event and most JAGs look forward to it each year.  One of the most anticipated events is when they hand out the Rear Admiral Hugh H. Howell Jr. Award of Excellence.  I know what you’re thinking, but no—the award has nothing to do with Gilligan’s Island. The Howell Award is given to the most outstanding JAG (Lieutenant Commander or below) for that year.  Each command nominates their top attorney and then a selection board reviews all of the packages and picks the winner. Again, it’s a pretty big deal and it’s always the most talked about event at the symposium. As they read the accomplishments of the winner (without announcing the name, of course) I thought to myself with a shrug, “Huh, what do you know?  That sounds like Kori. They could have given her the award, but of course she’ll never get it, because she doesn’t toot her own horn.  This stupid award is all about politics and who you know.   She doesn’t go around brown-nosing all of the, wait a second….oh my gosh!  It’s Kori!!  She won!!”   I have never been so proud.  It was an unbelievable accomplishment.  She was the belle of the ball that weekend. But, as it typical for Kori, she just shrugged it off.  When we got home from the symposium and she simply put the award in a box in the basement. I told her that if I had won it, I’d carry it with me everywhere I went. “Oh this thing?  It’s my Hugh Howell Award that I won…” I work with someone who is also in the JAG Corps and he still periodically mentions Kori’s Howell Award.  It’s pretty darn nice being married to someone so smart, talented, and beautiful.

#2. Dinner at the Hartness House.  In 2004, following our completion of Officer Indoctrination School in Rhode Island, Kori and I had a few days off before we had to report back for the next phase in our Navy training. We decided to spend that down time at a bed and breakfast in Vermont.  We stayed at the Hartness House in Springfield and had a really great time.  October in New England is a truly magical place.  But what stands out above the rest is the dinner we went to on our final night. I don’t remember what I had, but I do remember that the food was amazing.  Kori and I still periodically mention it—“remember that meal we had in Vermont?  That was that best ever…” But what does stand out to me was how amazing Kori looked.  So while I don’t remember the food, I absolutely remember what Kori looked like.  She had on a very fall-like outfit (tan corduroy pants with an orange cashmere sweater) and was knock-out gorgeous.  If anyone ever asks me, “what’s the best dining experience you’ve ever had” there is no question that this night would be the answer.  A candlelit table, excellent food (whatever it was), and the most stunning dinner date in the world.  Yeah, that’s a pretty good memory.  

There are no photos of the dinner, but this was taken earlier in the day.  What a gorgeous view (and the trees and water is pretty nice, too!) 

#1. Wedding Day.   Kori looked so beautiful that day (not that she doesn’t look beautiful every day).  But this was a different look for her.  Flowers in her hair, a gorgeous dress, makeup.  To this day it remains the most breathtaking moment I’ve experienced—turning around as the music began to play and seeing Kori walking towards me.  I’ve never seen anything or any person more beautiful.   As I take my last breath on this earth, that is the image I hope to take with me. It is unquestionably my #1 favorite memory with Kori. In August 2004, Kori and I were staying with her parents in central Florida waiting to ship out for the Navy when Hurricane Charley came through. We went days without electricity, running water or air conditioning in the sweltering Florida August heat. It was not a fun time. We happened to come across a strip mall that inexplicably had power and a movie theater. Kori and I sat in that air conditioned theater and for two hours, letting M. Night Shyamalan help us forget about how miserable things were outside of the theater walls. Even today, nearly seven years later, I still associate this movie with that great feeling of relief. Classical conditioning at it’s best. And that is why it’s included here. This makes the list for a different reason. I know it got hammered by critics, but I actually liked it. I thought it was a good, thrilling movie with a pretty cool twist at the end. That said, here’s the real reason I’ve included it: In August 2004, Kori and I were staying with her parents in central Florida waiting to ship out for the Navy when Hurricane Charley came through. We went days without electricity, running water or air conditioning in the sweltering Florida August heat. It was not a fun time. We happened to come across a strip mall that inexplicably had power and a movie theater. Kori and I sat in that air conditioned theater and for two hours, letting M. Night Shyamalan help us forget about how miserable things were outside of the theater walls. Even today, nearly seven years later, I still associate this movie with that great feeling of relief. Classical conditioning at it’s best. And that is why it’s included here. This makes the list for a different reason. I know it got hammered by critics, but I actually liked it. I thought it was a good, thrilling movie with a pretty cool twist at the end. That said, here’s the real reason I’ve included it: In August 2004, Kori and I were staying with her parents in central Florida waiting to ship out for the Navy when Hurricane Charley came through. We went days without electricity, running water or air conditioning in the sweltering Florida August heat. It was not a fun time. We happened to come across a strip mall that inexplicably had power and a movie theater. Kori and I sat in that air conditioned theater and for two hours, letting M. Night Shyamalan help us forget about how miserable things were outside of the theater walls. Even today, nearly seven years later, I still associate this movie with that great feeling of relief. Classical conditioning at it’s best. And that is why it’s included here. This makes the list for a different reason. I know it got hammered by critics, but I actually liked it. I thought it was a good, thrilling movie with a pretty cool twist at the end. That said, here’s the real reason I’ve included it: In August 2004, Kori and I were staying with her parents in central Florida waiting to ship out for the Navy when Hurricane Charley came through. We went days without electricity, running water or air conditioning in the sweltering Florida August heat. It was not a fun time. We happened to come across a strip mall that inexplicably had power and a movie theater. Kori and I sat in that air conditioned theater and for two hours, letting M. Night Shyamalan help us forget about how miserable things were outside of the theater walls. Even today, nearly seven years later, I still associate this movie with that great feeling of relief. Classical conditioning at it’s best. And that is why it’s included here.

Bonus pictures of the beautiful Kori-Lynne!

Happy Anniversary (Kori's Top 10)

On November 28th, Thomas and I will celebrate 12 years of marriage. Twelve years is not an insignificant amount of time, but I still feel like it should be even longer. We have been together for most of my biggest life moments, most happy, a few sad. We talk about how lucky we are to have created the life we have completely together. We came to our union with nothing but a couple of used cars and have built a pretty nice life together. Everything we have, we did together and that is a nice feeling. We are big Christmas people, but tend to let the other gifting holidays go by with minor mention. I don't think we have ever exchanged gifts on Valentine's day, birthdays typically mean special treatment more than special gifts, and for our anniversary, we generally try and plan a fun date (this year we have two planned--dinner and a movie to see the last Hunger Games and a trip back to Wine & Design). This year, Thomas suggested that we give each other the gift of a blog post. We are to write about our 10 favorite memories together. The only rule is they have to be couple-centered (i.e. we can't say the moment Luke was born or when Jack and Anna took their first steps).

I immediately made a list and wrote down several memories. My list quickly exceeded 10, so I have narrowed it down to the following memories, in reverse order.  Although, the order is pretty arbitrary and could easily change depending on the day I am thinking about it. 

10. Beef stick and some cheese.  I can't remember the timing of this one. But, after one semester of school, we immediately got in the car and headed for Florida. It was a 12-hour drive and we were not starting at a good time (we literally went from our last exam straight to the car). But, to keep us fed and happy, we had a Hickory Farms beef stick and a block of cheddar cheese. I brought along a knife and crackers and that "treat" lasted for most of the drive. It is a fun memory--just thinking of us making that 800 miles trek with some meat and cheese crackers. Honestly, I am not sure why this memory cracks the top 10. Perhaps because I can remember running out of the school and feeling so relieved at having completed a semester of school and excited about embarking on an adventure with Thomas. We made that drive so many times, and we always had such good conversations and fun, but none of those drives can top the beef stick drive.

I don't have a lot of pictures of our law school days handy, so this one will have to be representative of those memories.

9. Watching Thomas play softball in law school.  Anyone who knows Thomas knows that he is a phenomenal athlete. He was highly sought after for intramural teams, but his crowing moment was probably a softball tournament our first year. Just about every team wanted him to play for them and he ended up being on a bunch of teams (the next year the law school Sports Czar limited a person to 2-teams, possibly in response to this).  He hit home-run after home-run and I was so impressed! I can remember a roommate saying "your boyfriend is ridiculously athletic" (although, as I am rereading this, I am thinking maybe that comment was made after seeing him play football).  It was so fun to watch him play and I felt proud to be attached to him.  Bonus memory: to balance out the shallowness of the "my boyfriend is a good-looking athlete" memory, there was also a "smart" moment that year. One of our professors asked a question and then commented that in all of his years of teaching, no one had ever given the correct response. A few people raised their hands, but were incorrect, then he called on Thomas and shook his head in amazement after Thomas got it right! I had always liked the smart guys and felt like I had just found the smartest one of all! I think of that memory often and still feel so proud of him.

8. Jersey Boys. Thomas and I have always enjoyed seeing plays. Our first was Les Miserables, which we saw when we were still in law school.  Since then, we have seen many more traveling Broadways shows. When we lived in Tennessee, I saw a show called Jersey Boys was coming to Memphis. The seats available were over $100 each and Thomas and I debated on whether or not we should spend the money. We bit the bullet and bought the tickets. When the night of the show arrived, we went out to dinner before heading to the awesome Orpheum Theater.  The Orpheum was built in the 1920s and is everything a theater should be, very ornate and beautiful and the perfect setting for a good show. It turned out that our seats were in a "special section".  We handed our tickets to the usher and he led us up to the very front of the auditorium where there were two rows of folding chairs right in front of the stage.  Our seats were last minute add-on seats, meaning the theater released them when the other tickets were sold.  We were so close to the stage that we could see the beads of sweat on the actor's faces.  It was amazing and became our favorite show. We still talk about those seats. I don't know how we didn't realize what we were getting, but we didn't and it was an awesome surprise. It did, however, ruin us for all future shows.  We have seen Jersey Boys and other shows since then, but have been unable to replicate the experience. We also put the soundtrack on our iPod and it became the track I ran to for the time we lived in Memphis, always evoking the fun memory of that night.

See those chairs in front?  That was us.

7. I think we're on the road here in Little Rock. This one is another trip and also took place when we lived in Tennessee. My good friend Marta offered to visit and watch the kids for a weekend so Thomas and I could enjoy our first getaway since they were born. We gladly accepted her offer and started looking for locations within a 3-hour radius (our comfort level for leaving the kids at the time).  Ultimately, we settled on Little Rock, Arkansas. Neither of us had ever been to Arkansas, so it seemed like a good adventure. We left with no set plans and only a reservation for two nights at The Empress Bed and Breakfast.  We grabbed some fliers when we arrived and made plans. We went to a restaurant recommended by The Empresses proprietor and booked a picnic lunch to enjoy at the mill where they filmed a scene from Gone with the Wind (it was stunning). We saw the Clinton Presidential Library and took a horse drawn moonlight ride past the Governor's Mansion. We also saw the headquarters for the Heifer Society, which became our favorite charity.  It was so fun to choose a city and just explore for a couple of days.  But, most of all, we reconnected after a stressful few years that had brought us the birth of 3 children in 16 months, the death of my mother, and a cross-country move, among other stressors.

Online photo of The Empress

6. Our trip to New Hampshire between OIS and NJS. We considered it a trip for our first anniversary, although we had to do it in October. We stayed at an amazing bed and breakfast, The Hartness House. They served the most amazing dinner and breakfast I've ever had. We took a train ride, looked at covered bridges and enjoyed the changing leaves and each other's company. It was beautiful. 

5. Thomas teaches me to play catch.  I think this one took place when we were engaged, but not yet married.  We had gone to Florida to visit my family and somehow decided it was a good time for me to learn to catch a ball properly.  So, we bought a softball glove and went to the field adjacent to my former middle school.  He showed me how to hold a glove depending on where the ball was and how to throw with proper form. It was a fun time. Up until the kids were born, we would regularly go to a park and play catch.  Another good memory (similar enough that I am going to let it share the number 5 spot) is playing football together. We had a soft nerf ball and we would pretend we were playing against a team. We would have 4 or 5 "downs" to move the ball down the field ("okay, this time you're going to run out for 10 steps, fake left, then turn and go right 5 steps and watch for the ball"). We didn't have much money as struggling students, so times like these were perfect. We relieved a lot of stress, got some exercise, and enjoyed being outdoors together.

4. The Detroit All-Star Game.  I think I've actually written about this before. It was a trip I planned for Thomas' 30 birthday. We lucked out with timing: the Tigers, Thomas' favorite baseball team, were hosting the All-Star Game. It was our first big (i.e. take a plane) vacation that didn't involve visiting family. I think we only stayed for 3 or 4 days.  But, we had so much fun! We stayed at the Pontchartrain hotel, which was right in the heart of the city (and we could see Canada across the river). We had a blast at the Fan Fest, loved the home run derby, watched a celebrity softball game, and, of course, saw the actual All-Star Game. We also spent a lot of time walking around Detroit, visited the GM Headquarters (and had the best-ever salad in their basement cafeteria) and even checked out what a casino outside Thomas' home state looked like (not impressive). It was a fun trip and I loved every second of it!

3. Studying for the bar exam.  How can studying for an exam be a highlight you might ask?  Well, it represents a fairly care-free time in our lives, although definitely a stressful one. After graduating from law school, we drove to Nevada to live with Thomas' Grandmother for 2 months before we flew to Florida to take the bar exam.  During that time, our sole job was to study and prepare physically for Officer Indoctrination School (OIS). We spent a couple of hours each day exercising and a couple of hours studying (I studied a lot harder than Thomas who had a strategy that involved doing really well on one section so that the other section was irrelevant). I am not sure if I thought it was fun at the time, but I think I did. I loved Thomas' grandmother and being in Nevada with her. The only sour note was her mean dog that constantly growled at me, but he was not mean enough to keep this memory out of my top 3.

2. Our recent cruise. We recently spent 5 nights away from our children.  We did so on a cruise with no television, phones (well, we called and texted the kids, but no one else) or other distractions. There are a few blogs detailing the vacation, so I won't get too descriptive. The short is that I always know that I love Thomas. There is no doubt in my mind that he is the man I want to be with forever and always. However, sometimes we get bogged down in the routine of our role as parents and don't focus on each other the way we once did. This cruise was the perfect opportunity to just enjoy each other. We had fun times, romantic times, quiet times. We experienced it all and I can't wait for our next getaway!

1. Our first date. Thomas and I became good friends almost immediately after we met. We connected instantly. But, we had both recently had our hearts broken and were holding out hope for those prior relationships (at least that's what we were telling each other). Obviously, I found him attractive and interesting and I liked him a lot. But, I constantly reminded myself that he was unavailable. Anyway, I had volunteered to take a friend to the airport in DC, which was about a 3 hour drive.  I asked Thomas and his roommate if they wanted to come along and maybe check out one of the Smithsonian museums. His roommate decided to just take the ride to DC and meet up with some college buddies. So, we dropped my friend and his roommate off and headed for the museums. I know we went to the National Art Museum, and I think we also visited American History.  But, what I remember most is how I felt that day. I know this is cliche, but it really felt as if I had known him for years. We had such an easy connection. We joked and smiled and talked and I can recall thinking to myself how odd it all was, we weren't technically on a date, but it felt like we were meant to be together. We spent over 12 hours together that day and never ran out of things to say or felt awkward. It was definitely the beginning of our real relationship and showed me how insignificant those prior relationships really were.

Honorable Mentions: Because it is our 12 year anniversary, I am going to share two more memories (one memory for each year of marriage):

11. Norfolk lunches. When we lived in Norfolk, we both had high-tempo jobs. Plus, we had 3 kids under 18 months old. There was not a lot of free time. To make up for it, we would periodically meet for lunch. We were stationed in two different locations, so we would meet at either a Chick-Fil-A or a Mongolian Barbecue place. I loved seeing him in the middle of my day and it was so nice to talk uninterrupted. Those lunches are happy memories.

12. Meteor Shower. Another memory from when our relationship was new. We got up super early (or, knowing Thomas, he probably just stayed up) and drove into the darkness of the mountains to see a meteor shower. We laid on the hood of my car and watched the amazing night-time display. When it was over, I dropped him back off at school.  Then, I drove to DC to catch a train to visit my sister for Thanksgiving. But, I missed Thomas so much that I left her house early to join him back in Lexington and we had our first Thanksgiving together (t.v dinners from Walmart I believe).

And, for Thomas' information, here are the others that were considered, but did not make the list.  I'm guessing a couple of these might have cracked his top 10.  So, in no particular order :

-Savannah Trip

-Charlottesville B&B 

-Orioles Game

-Opening the Christmas gift of 366 things he loves about me

-Our Wedding

-Weekend in Williamsburg

-Making thumbprint cookies in Eleanor's basement

-When we prepared for his OGC interview via phone on the 16 hour drive
-Utah/Nevada trip
-Honeymoon
-Spring Training
-Palo dinner on Disney Cruise
-skipping rocks and getting socked in the stomach (those two just go together)

My predictions:
Thomas' blog will definitely include Detroit and Vermont. I wouldn't be surprised to see our first house and the trip to Charlottesville. Beyond that, I really have no idea. I expect there will be some overlap, but I am excited to see what he has come up with.  Happy Anniversary T-Dub!

Why I applied for a job

I had my first job interview in over a decade on Tuesday.  It was for a legal job on base.  I think the interview went well, but I will be surprised if I am offered the position--I simply don't have any experience in the practice area for which they are hiring.  But, it is essentially an entry-level position, so I am not going to completely rule out the possibility that I could be returning to work soon.  I have contemplated going back to work for several years. When I left my full-time position 5 years ago, I did not intend to ever return. I was so excited about the prospect of being a stay-at-home mom; I envisioned a peaceful life with many fulfilling moments. I was even open to the possibility of home-schooling. I couldn't wait to embark on the adventure of full-time motherhood! (obviously, I know that working mothers are still full-time mothers.)

But, it wasn't quite what I envisioned. Or, more specifically, I didn't fulfill my role in quite the manner I envisioned. I believe that I am an adequate mother. Not fantastic, not Mary Poppinsesque, just adequate. And, it has been hard for me. Among other faults: my house is never clean, our clothes are always wrinkled, I say "no" far more than I say "yes", the lunches I pack aren't particularly nutritious, etc. To be fair to myself, I am a nice mother: I volunteer at school and make the weekly trek to the library. I cook good dinners and make sure that emotional and physical needs are met. I listen when they talk, even when the stories involve Minecraft and go on and on and on. My kids would say I rarely yell (I think they may not understand what "rarely" means) and that they are satisfied with the level of care they are provided (maybe not in the those exact words). But, I am just not what I thought I would be.

So, what would going back to work solve?  I think perhaps my logic is that since I am not the stellar mother I thought I would be, there is no point in my being home full-time. When we bought Thomas' new car, it was the first time I had no income to contribute to a loan, it was a strange, uncomfortable feeling. Thomas has never made me feel like what he makes is his money, but I miss contributing financially. I feel bad that he gets up every day at 4:30 and goes to work, while I sit home and get to watch television or spend hours chatting with friends at playdates. I feel like I should have a garden and teach Luke to read and generally be so much more productive than I am.

Honestly, I have a lot of conflicting feelings, all of which I analyzed to death in trying to determine whether or not I should even apply. This question has come up before, and my conclusion has been different. I am not sure what the right choice is. Sometimes, I hope that I do not get the job, because then the decision is made for me. I don't intend to apply to multiple positions--if I don't get this job, I will focus more on being grateful for the life I already have and trying to come up with strategies to be more successful, or at least feel more successful, in my role of mother.

Additionally, I think a lot of my troubles stem from an unhappiness I have with myself, primarily because I am the unhealthiest I have ever been. It is amazing how frustrations with ourselves can permeate into all aspects of our being. Suffice it to say that I know that if I were happier with myself, I would be a better wife, mother and homemaker. I wish change were easier. Obviously, I know that going back to work is not going to solve everything, but it would certainly change my daily experience. And, I think I would be more satisfied with myself if I felt like I had professional success.

The kids are, of course, a major consideration. I have never felt like I was wasting my degree by staying at home (a question I have been asked more than once), but I have also never felt like a mother needs to be home full-time to be a good parent. I have heard more than one stay-at-home mom ask (never to a working mom of course, but more in a quest to support her own choices), "why have kids if you are just going to send them to daycare for someone else to raise." No one else "raises" the children of working parents. We send kids to school all day and don't say that the government is raising them. The parents are still the moral compass of the family. Having kids is a life-long commitment. There will never be a time that I am unavailable to my children, but I don't think that necessitates 24/7 in-person access from now until eternity. Yes, I know they are only small for a short time. But, I only have the ability to enter the work force for a short time as well. There is already a gap on my resume, my ability to obtain a job in my field will dissipate with time. So, what happens to a stay-at-home mom when all her kids have left the house? I have seen many mothers find fulfillment with other activities, or jobs outside their original chosen fields, but perhaps I am not one of those mothers. Perhaps not everyone fits in the same mold. If you love your family and strive to do what is best for everyone, including yourself, isn't that the most important thing?

I honestly believe that by taking care of myself and my needs, I am also taking care of my family. Of course, I don't believe my individual needs conflict with those of my family unit. My world, my sense of worth, is not completely tied to my children. My role as a mother is one large part of me, but it is still just a part. Personally, I think showing my children, especially my girls, that they can do whatever they want is extremely important. They should know that a confident, loving husband will support them in doing whatever makes them happiest. I want all my children to be capable of taking care of themselves and their family. You never know what life's challenges will bring and you should be in the best possible position to adapt.

All this is a drawn out way of saying that I have applied for a job. I do not know if I am going to get the job. If I do, I believe I can still be an adequate mother, even if I work full-time. If I don't, I can still be fulfilled, even though I am not using the degree I spent 7 years to obtain. I do not believe I am selfish for making one choice or selfless for another.

Book Character Day and Halloween

 I feel very lucky that my kids go to an old-school kind of school. Don't get me wrong, it is not quite like my elementary days. They still have to play shadow-tag (no actual contact allowed) and wait on the school bus before being heralded inside to begin their day (no mingling of grades on the playground with little supervision). But, they still do some fun, traditional things. Like, Book Character Day. Which is really just an excuse to let the kids wear their Halloween costumes to school and parade around. This year, I tried to get the kids to actually be book characters.  The girls were all for it, Jack had no interest in such pretense.  It was Thomas' off Friday, so we were able to go and enjoy the costume parade:

Anna was fittingly "Little Miss Chatterbox"

Jack grabbed a Star Wars book (that may or may not have featured Captain Rex) and wore his Halloween Costume.

Kara dressed all in yellow and was a sweet Little Miss Sunshine.

I made these monster cake pops for Kara's class.

Such happy faces for a school day.

We had a fun Halloween.  I finally got everyone to be part of the same theme: Star Wars!  For years, we have been trying to accomplish this fete. But, no one ever agrees. Or, they agree and then when it becomes time for costumes, someone backs out and the whole thing unravels. We were almost the Wizard of Oz last year. We have almost been a few other things. But, it just never quite works out. This year, Luke was the tie that binds. I said he was going to be R2D2, and everyone wanted to be a part of his troupe. And, I got smart and purchased costumes before they could change their minds. Jack was Captain Rex (not just any storm trooper!), Anna was Princess Leia, Kara was Padme, Thomas was a Jedi and I wore a Chewbacca sweatshirt.

We put out a bowl of candy and left it on the front porch so that we could all watch Luke on his first trick-or-treating experience. He did go out last year, but he was 7 months old and I don't think he went up to any houses.  Although, he did enjoy being out in the stroller and enjoying the sites and sounds of the evening. This year was a completely different story. When we got to the first house, he wasn't sure what to expect and was not happy as we forced him to the door. However, as soon as the lady offered him a candy bar, he was all in! From there, he was unstoppable, he walked from house to house (except when we forced him into the stroller) and loved knocking and holding out his bag. When people would offer the bowl for him to choose, he would solemnly look through the bowl, choose a piece, and then usually hand it to the person trying to give it away. He absolutely loved it!

I'm sure it didn't hurt that the first house was offering full-sized candy bars! His first chosen treat? Skittles.

Our neighborhood is a perfect size for trick-or-treating. There are about 60 houses and we were able to take a fairly leisurely pace and still hit every house in about 90 minutes.  When we finished with our neighborhood, Anna really wanted to go to her teacher's house.  Her teacher lives less than 2 miles away, but they are not really walkable miles (especially in the dark), so we drove over and let her trick-or-treat there. Anna felt very special meeting her teacher's dog and seeing her outside the classroom.

We got home and let the kids begin the great candy sort. Jack can't have anything with peanuts, so the trading/negotiating began immediately. It was a very successful Halloween!  Some bonus photos:

This is my favorite picture.  Is he not the cutest little R2D2 there ever was?

Don't be fooled--he needed no encouragement.

Kara handing candy out to Jacob, who joined us (along with Jennifer and Chris) on our trick-or-treating.