Sunday, November 20, 2016

Thanks for Nothing, Facebook! A Good Reminder for Me.

Our neighborhood has a ladies only Facebook page. We use this page to give stuff away, alert each other to concerns (i.e. strange cars afoot, solicitors peddling vacuums, etc.), and lately--to complain. Kids are in yards they shouldn't be in, dogs are barking too much, unknown teenagers are playing basketball, etc. Some of it is valid, and should be addressed to the wide audience, but some of it could be addressed in person privately. I myself was guilty of an infraction last week when I asked if anyone else was being bothered by barking dogs.

Then, yesterday, I became a "victim". Our back yard shares a border with 4 different yards. One of these yards has two puppies that keep escaping. The first time this happened (that we are aware of) we were inside eating breakfast when the kids saw them in our yard. We stopped what we were doing and spent about 40 minutes chasing them down, getting in touch with the owners and making sure they were okay. The next time it happened, we were all outside. My kids were playing with some other kids on our playset. Another neighbor had stopped by to chat with her dog on a leash. None of the kids were interacting with the dogs, and we were not anywhere near the fence, but the excitement was just too much and her dogs worked their way out. Again, we gave chase and returned them. The third time, we weren't even home. The fourth time the kids were in the backyard (again, not interacting in anyway with the dogs). Another neighbor chased them down. 

Yesterday, my kids were in the backyard when the dogs came outside. Kara ran over to their fence and started talking to them. My kids are guilty of occasionally doing this, however, it only began after they spent all that time chasing them and it doesn't happen frequently. Thomas saw what she was doing and remarked that we would need to talk with the kids about leaving the dogs alone, since we don't want to entice them to escape.

Fifteen minutes later, my phone starts going off with text messages asking what was going on and telling me to check Facebook. The owner of the dogs posted a message on the page stating that the reason her dogs keep getting out is that the kids in our yard are calling them and pulling on the fence. She asked that parents talk to the children who play in that yard and stated she had "picture evidence." I was livid! I immediately responded that I would talk with my kids, but I pointed out that there are holes in the fence where the kids don't go (we all border a little pond and one area of her fence borders a very tall weed line adjacent to the pond where no kids play); that the dogs have escaped when no kids are present; and that I have personally seen the dogs get out when the kids were not interacting with them in any way. I didn't mention this, but Thomas also pointed out that all the houses we border have dogs and none of them escape. The previous owner of her house had dogs, they never got out. We both felt it was very unfair of her to blame their behavior on our children.

I spent the evening fuming. How dare she publicly shame my family? Why couldn't she just knock on my door and talk to me? Or, why not talk to the kids instead of taking pictures? She could have even sent a text, she had my number from the times I tracked her down to let her know her dogs were out. The kids were also mad, they promised that they have never "pulled on her fence." I believe them, because we are generally with them and Thomas had witnessed the same incident they saw that led to the post (an assumption based on the timing). However, they were guilty of talking to the dogs, which was a valid point to be addressed. 

After I was done fuming, I thought about it from her perspective. They are stressed because their dogs keep getting out. Another neighbor told her that people were threatening to call animal control. She sees my kid standing at the fence talking to the dog. It is a fair assumption. But, we have been friendly with this neighbor, their daughter (who is only 3 or 4) occasionally comes into our yard to play. There was no reason she couldn't have addressed it to me personally. Facebook and other electronic conveniences have made it easy to avoid human interaction, and this has lead to hurt feelings and anger (on both sides, I am guessing).

After an evening of reflection, I recognized the times I have been guilty of something similar, like my passive aggressive post about barking dogs. And, this was a reminder for me to personally do better. At one point in my younger years I was the victim of a vicious rumor. Like most gossip, there was a kernel of truth, but the story that got told eventually far exceeded the actual offense. At that point, I swore that I would never take part in gossip. I would actively avoid hearing it and I would never spread it. My further reflection showed that I am not as vigilant as I once was and that I need to do better. I understand where my neighbor was coming from and I am hoping the matter is resolved. I wish I had taken a higher road by simply knocking on her door and addressing it personally. With time, cooler heads will generally prevail and I should have waited. Hopefully, there will not be a next time, but if there is, perhaps I will be reminded of this and handle things better.

So, this is my public posting of frustration and realization. ;)

1 comment:

  1. I totally hear you! I dislike that social media gives people an out when what they should really do is talk face to face with someone. You're amazing for being so forgiving and quickly because that really was a lame thing to do. Way to be awesome. :)

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