Once again, it is time for a blog that gets out some thoughts that have been battering around in my head for the past few weeks.
Recently, a scandal erupted when a Facebook page was discovered that had made a game out of sharing illicit photos of female Marines. The contributors to the page were current and former Marines. The photos were often obtained without knowledge and were universally shared without consent. The comments were degrading and disturbing. Several of the photos included the names of the females and where they could be found. More than one of the featured women now lives in fear. The people who reported the page received death threats for their act of decency.
This came at a time when the subject of gender equality has been on my mind. In order to remain a lawyer in good standing, I must complete credits of continuing legal education. One of the credits I opted to take discussed the results of a recent survey of female bar members. The survey showed that women felt they were treated differently than their male colleagues. They discussed subtle ways that they felt marginalized, such as being referred to as honey or sweetheart. There were comments about how they were assumed to be the secretary and off-color jokes. Most of the women reported not knowing how to deal with such remarks. Lastly, just this week, a lawyer friend of mine made a comment on Facebook about how she received an e-mail from opposing counsel that started with "Hey Beautiful." I am realizing how truly pervasive this problem is. Rather than it being a few small, rotten apples, there are bushels of bruised fruit.
All of this has made me reflect on my own experiences and my thoughts regarding societal decency. I can remember being a new Navy lawyer, fresh out of law school and attending training at the Naval Justice School. Thomas was using the restroom and I was waiting outside the door for him. Two young enlisted Marines walked by and looked at me before going into the restroom. I didn't think much about it until Thomas came out a minute later. He told me that one of the Marines had commented in surprise that they they were going to have salute me and then made a comment about me "looking good." At the time, I was actually flattered that two young men had looked at me and found me attractive. But, now, I wonder why they didn't see me as an Officer first, or even a lawyer. Why was it surprising that they would have to salute me as someone superior in their chain of command? And, why was my initial reaction to be flattered? Obviously, they saw my looks and gender as my primary attributes and as a 26-year-old, I didn't even realize there was something wrong with that. (To Thomas' credit, he did.)
I was so disappointed to read about the Marine photo sharing. It genuinely made me feel sick. These women have volunteered to risk their lives alongside their brothers in uniform and this is the treatment they receive? It was a large group, made up of thousands of people. And, only a small fraction felt the need to report the misconduct and then that small group was threatened and harassed. I am embarrassed by the number of times I failed to respond appropriately as a woman in in a primarily male environment. There were many, many educational opportunities that I let pass by, in order to get along, or to not be the one with "no sense of humor." Certainly, nothing as egregious as what has made the news recently, but small instances where perhaps I could have helped someone see things differently.
I don't know where the fault lies. But, I am tired of hearing about discrimination in all its forms. We, as a society need to do better. I am thankful to be married to a man who respects people of all races, genders and religions and I wish this for everyone. So, as I write this to my children, I ask my daughters to know that they deserve to be seen for who they are and what they contribute, not for how they look. I ask that my sons and daughters always look beyond the superficial and regard people as individuals. And, I vow for myself to do better. To not be the silent individual, sitting quietly and fearful of standing up for what I know is right.
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