Dealing with Disappointment (a long post filled with negativity)

Lately, I feel like there is a lot to be disappointed about. I am disappointed in the contractor we hired to remodel our kitchen. I am disappointed with the kids for various reasons. And, I am disappointed in myself, including feeling disappointed for feeling disappointed. It’s a toxic cycle. But, let’s start with an easy one: the kitchen.

We started this process back in May. Our initial goal was to remodel the house before we moved in. However, for a variety of reasons beyond our control, we were not able to make that happen. So, we were stuck living in the house while the remodel occurred. To minimize the impact, we decided to leave the footprint exactly the same. We got a couple of estimates and went with the contractor our Realtor recommended. He told us he could have the entire thing done in 2 weeks. This included a complete redo of the kitchen (floors, cabinets, counters, backsplash, etc.) and new flooring in the kitchen, eat-in kitchen area and family room. We thought it was an optimistic timeline, but he assured of his plan and we figured even if it took a bit longer, that was okay.

He started work on July 8^th. It still isn’t finished. As I’ve mentioned, we had no use of our kitchen for 2 months! Two months without a sink, stove, oven, dishwasher, etc. Our dining room table was covered with the contents of our kitchen, so also no place to sit and eat. And, for the first two (maybe 3, it’s a blur) weeks, we didn’t even have use of our family room because they had moved all the furniture out to redo the floors. We cooked a few meals on the floor in our skillet or crockpot, we ate a lot of meals out, and we got a lot of take-out. Finally, though, the end is near. There are a few small projects left, but we now have full use of the kitchen. But, I am still disappointed. Not just because it has taken so long, but because it didn’t turn out great. It is not bad and from a distance it looks beautiful, but the backsplash is sloppy. We asked for a single sink and got a divided one. The floors in the kitchen feel bowed and scratches easily. We wanted to be able to access our island cabinets through both sides (which is how it was originally) and we can’t. And, a few other similar things. So, we spent all this time and all this money and it just isn’t quite right. And, I know I am going to have to live with it for the next decade. I am sure a reasonable person would say, make them make it right. But, frankly, we don’t have that fight in us. Did you see the part where we went two months without a kitchen? We went weeks with being told it would be done “tomorrow” or “two days”. I lost count of how many no-show days we had just to get the counter installed. It is not worth the time or expense to us. We just want our house to ourselves again. I will live with the disappointment and I will accept the lessons learned if we ever embark on another project. Which is why I need to just get over it.

On to the kids. Why disappointed with them? I am disappointed with Luke because he has had such a great, friendly, easy-going personality all his little life, but lately he is so whiny and temperamental. I know it is likely the adjustment to Kindergarten (I just read an article about regressions and back-to-school and it literally started on the first day of school). But, it is still disappointing. I am disappointed with Jack because he has always (or at least for the past 4-5 years) been so easy and now he is being a little less easy.  I am disappointed with Anna because she quit piano. I wanted so badly for her to want it and she just didn’t and we decided that we could make our house a bit more pleasant if we took away the daily battles over forcing her to practice.

I’m disappointed with all of the older kids for being quitters. Here is a (collective, not all belong to all kids) list of things they have tried and quit: dance, soccer, baseball, gymnastics, violin, swim, and now piano. I want them to excel in something and it drives me crazy that none of them seem to be passionate about anything. I know they are still young, but I can’t understand why they don’t feel excited about any of the opportunities we are trying to give them. I feel like sports would be good for Jack--he needs to learn how to lose and be part of a team, but he is unwilling to try anything else (which at least means there isn’t anything else for him to quit, so maybe that’s a positive?). Parenting is hard and frustrating sometimes. And, it is hard to accept that you can’t force your kids to want what you want.

However, here is the biggest disappointment and the most difficult to accept: I am so disappointed that I made my family move to Florida. It is nice being near my family and I love that I get to see them more often, but our day-to-day quality of life is not good. Even though we are close to family, we are much more alone. There is no one to call to get the kids off the bus if we are running late (figuratively since they don’t ride a bus), or to ask to borrow a cup of flour.  At work in Maryland, we were all friends (true for both Thomas’ office and mine). We knew about spouses and kids and pets. We chatted about our weekends and bounced around work ideas. It just isn’t the same here and it makes the work days very, very long. And, we haven't made friends in our neighborhood yet either. I miss our friendly, happy, Maryland neighborhood. I miss our bookclub and get-togethers and going for walks and actually stopping to talk with people. I miss having my best friend live across the street. I miss our monthly dinners with the Darrows. It was idyllic. I knew it was idyllic, but I thought it could be recreated, even if it was to a lesser degree. Alas, I was wrong.

I miss going to DC and our trips to Williamsburg and Philadelphia. There is very little history to be found here and I miss it more than I thought I would. I also hate the weather. I didn’t mind the heat in July, but it is Fall now and still 90 degrees every day. The drivers are the worst of anyplace we have ever lived. But, worst of all, everyone else prefers Maryland too. So, I have the constant guilt of knowing that everyone would rather be somewhere else and it is all my fault. Oh, and, we are worse off financially. All in all, it is a disaster!

So, what to do? What to do! We can’t go back. At least not yet. We had to convince them to transfer us and there is no way they would simply let us return, even if there were openings. I am trying to make the best of it, but I just feel especially sad at the moment. I have to remind myself that it’s only been 4 months. And, it has been the hottest 4 months. Four months isn’t enough time to judge something by, right? I know I didn’t have the same level of support in Maryland after 4 months that I had after living in our neighborhood for 7 years (but, why, oh why, did I leave it, it took years to build!!!).

Let me try and find some positives:

-There’s the obvious, I am only an hour away from my family. That’s really nice. We do enjoy seeing them often.

-The theme parks are fun.

-Even though it is smaller, less fancy, more expensive, and a bit of a money-pit, I like the layout of our house. The kids all have their own bedroom, and they share 2 bathrooms and 3 sinks as opposed to one bathroom with one sink.

-I believe I will grow faster professionally. I have a challenging workload, which is good. And, I only work in one area as opposed to several.

-If there is an emergency, we are very close to a children’s hospital (I hated that we had to go 2 hours away when Kara had her appendicitis).

-I still love Publix.

-I don’t like the snow or freezing temperatures and I know I will be grateful that I don’t have to deal with it when winter comes.

I am going to start a family positivity journal. Each day, we are going to sit down and say three things that we are grateful for, or made us smile, or made us feel proud, etc. Then, we will write the top one down. Maybe if we all start looking more actively for the good, it will be easier to find. I know that Thomas and I need to set the tone, so wish us luck!