Absconding From Parental Responsibility

While parenting alone does have some benefits (I can watch the Real Housewives of New Jersey without judgement, for example). There are some definite drawbacks. Mainly, I get tired. Having 3 little kids while managing the home life is exhausting. Certainly, it could be much worse. I have a great babysitter and a pretty good work schedule. But, still. Planning dinners, shopping, doing laundry, cleaning (occassionally), and my least favorite of all--putting them to bed. Stories, songs, hugs, kisses, more hugs, searching for blankets, books, special pillows, etc. And the whining, oh the whining! It gets tiring.

Today, Kara was having an issue with her diapers. I am not quite sure what was going on. But, we finally decided to just forgo the things and let her put on underwear. Kara is not close to being potty trained. But, I figured I'd roll the dice and see what happened. She put the underwear on and I asked Anna if she wanted to potty-train Kara. I wasn't serious. But, Anna and Kara didn't know that. They thought it was a great idea. So, I put my 3.5-year-old in charge of my 2.5-year-old. I absconded from responsibility.

Anna started with, "Kara, I will show you what to do. Come sit over here." A few minutes later, I heard her ask, "do you need to go potty, honey?" Kara answered affirmatively, so off they went. Anna put the potty seat on the toilet and waited while Kara tried to go. This was repeated several times. Anna called her "honey" all night. I think Kara may have actually peed once, but I don't know--because I didn't bother to go in and see. They were happy, I was happy. And, there were no accidents. She stayed dry for the 2.5 hours she wore the underwear.

No need to call child services, I will not make a habit over letting Anna parent Kara. I don't think Kara would stand for it for much more than a night anyway.

3 Unsupervised Children + 2 Pairs of Scissors = DISASTER

Today, I made a bad decision. The lawn really needed to be mowed. I thought the best way to try and get it done was while the kids were napping. I told them I was going to mow the lawn and that if they needed me to come outside. We had a busy morning so I thought they would fall asleep relatively easily. I waited until they were quiet and headed outside. About 15 minutes later they all came out. I sent them back in with the promise of a "special treat" if they would go take a nap. Stupid, I know. In my defense I felt like they were safer inside than wandering the yard (it's a big yard and I can't mow and keep a good eye on them). I am not sure why I thought they would stay in their rooms. Wishful thinking? Pure idiocy? About an hour later Anna came outside. I thought she looked a little odd, but presumed her ponytail had drifted to the side while she was laying down. The others quickly followed and I told them they could play outside.



As I was finishing the yard, I caught a good view of Anna from the side. Something was definitely up. I asked her if she cut her hair and she responded, "no, Mommy." It quickly became obvious and I started to laugh. She began laughing too, obviously pleased with my reaction. Well, until I told her that her hair looked awful, then she started crying.



I went to round up Jack and Kara so we could hurry to a hair salon. It was already close to 4 and I really wanted to get this fixed (as much as it could be) before church in the morning. Then, I noticed that Kara was looking a little odd. I quickly realized we had a second victim (pepetrator?). Her hair was actually kind of trendy looking. Someone's skills were improving...



We went inside and I was able to identify the crime scene (yes, that is a Constitution laying next to the scissors--I am not sure which inalienable right they were trying to apply). There was another set of scissors and hair in the hallway (actually, there was a trail of hair in the hallway).



On the drive to the Hair Cuttery, I finally got the full explanation. Apparently, after they went inside they "decided it would be a good idea" to cut their hair. Anna asked Jack if he would do the honors and he said "sure." Only half of her hair was cut because "it didn't look so good." I really wish I had a video camera on when they were relaying the story--it was hilarious! The only part of the story that remained unclear was how Kara got roped into it.

Here they are waiting at Hair Cuttery. They were quite a hit with the staff and clientele.



When asked how her hair should be cut, Anna said to "make it smaller."



Kara suprised me with how still she sat.

The finished product.

I recognize that I am VERY lucky. Three small children with some very sharp scissors close to eyes, ears, and necks could have been truly disastrous. I will consider it a lesson learned for all of us!

The Consequences of Words

If you have children no doubt you have uttered an if/then ultimatum. In my house, there are at least 5 such occurences daily, per child, each hour. For example, "if you don't apologize, then you're going to timeout." Makes perfect sense, right? The problem with the if/then ultimatum is that when they do the "if," you have to do the "then." Sometimes, that's easy and comparatively painless, such as the above time-out example. Othertimes, you can box yourself into a corner. But, if you want to enforce that your words have meaning, then you really have no choice.

This Independence Day weekend, I boxed myself into a corner and it was I who suffered most from the consequences. The scene: our house. Chaotic as always, lots of crying, complaining, and general unrest. Oh, and three little kids (badabing--I bet you didn't see that coming!). The kids got up early, the excitment of the day looming before them. I was REALLY looking forward to going to a local concert that evening, complete with fireworks timed to a live rendition of the 1812 Overture. We told the kids about all the fun we were going to have. We had a busy morning, shopping at Lowe's for paint samples and going out to lunch. When we got home, it was naptime. The girls usually sleep at naptime, and Jack takes the opportunity to play quietly in his room, which most days he actually enjoys. The kids generally go to bed at 8pm. Since the fireworks didn't start until after 9, Thomas and I told them how important it was for them to be quiet and take a nap. They indicated an understanding.

Five minutes later, they're out of bed, jumping around, playing loudly with toys. Anna was actually singing quite loudly. So, I go in and ask them nicely to be quiet. They promise they will be quiet. Unfortunately, they have no idea what a promise is, because shortly thereafter, same scenario (minus the singing at least). This time Daddy goes in to lay down the law. Again, they indicate they will be quiet and affirm that they want to be able to stay up for fireworks. A few minutes later, they are out of bed again, communicating loudly through the walls. I go in again and this is when it happens.

I issue the if/then ultimatum: "If you don't be quiet and take a nap, then we are NOT going to the fireworks." Well, you can guess what happened. Nap time crawls by, nobody sleeps, nobody even attempts to sleep. They are loud and playful. I reissue the threat to no avail. Nap time ends. They ask if they can still go the fireworks. With a heavy heart, I am forced to say no. They cry. They beg. They "promies" they'll take a nap tomorrow (not falling for that one!). But, we warned them. The rules were clear. We are forced to follow through.

Twenty minutes later, they've forgotten about the fireworks. They are happily playing some game, while I am left to ponder what went wrong. Actually, there isn't much to ponder, I made a cardinal mistake. I set forth a consequence I really, REALLY didn't want to enforce. I tried to find some way to back out. But, there wasn't any wiggle room in this one. We ended up buying some sparklers and little fireworks for our yard. The kids could see larger fireworks in the distance and were reminded that if they had been quiet, they could be watching giant fireworks in the sky. But, they didn't seem to care, they were happy. It was me who suffered.

Later that weekend, we were going to a friend's barbecue. Nap time rolled around. Anna said, "if we don't take a nap, we can't go to the barbecue, right Mommy?" Her Daddy, the smart one, responded with, "if you don't take a nap, you can't have dessert at the barbecue." Everyone was quiet that day.

Catch-up Post

If you know where we live you are probably going to be surpised to learn that the ice cream the kids are eating in the picture was bought from an ice cream truck that actually came down our road! I couldn't believe it when I heard the music getting louder and louder. Then, there it was! The kids and I ran to the end of the driveway, where they were shocked to learn that the cheerfully decorated van carried all kinds of frozen treats. They loved choosing from the pictures and I was super excited that they were having the experience.

It has been a busy few weeks for us. We finished our swimming lessons. Kara and I were the only ones signed up for the tot class, so they let her in with the preschoolers (including Jack and Anna). She was too short to stand on the platform in the pool, so they had to add an extra step for her; she loved it! Anna did great on the first day and then cried every day after. The weird part was that she really wanted to go. Every morning she would be excited for swim lessons, we would get there, I would make her get in the pool, she would cry throughout the lesson, get out of the pool, and comment on how much fun she had. It was strange. When it got close to the end of lessons the kids wanted to know if they could do more. I told Anna I would only sign her up if she didn't cry for the last two days. She didn't make it through the entire lessons, but did much better. We may sign them up for another session later in the summer. I was really proud of all of them.

On a completely unrelated note, I volunteered to do a 96 day AT this summer. Today was my first day. I am already feeling a tinge of regret. Kara was very clingy tonight. I wonder how many days it will take until her mommy preference diminishes and she forgets that once upon a time we spent every waking moment together. Jack and Anna were sad to see the babysitter go home and relieved when I said she would be back in the morning. On the one hand, I am incredibly thankful that we have such a wonderful summer nanny who my children absolutely adore. On the other hand, I really want them to miss me (at least a little!). At 2 and 3, they don't seem capable of both. On the plus side, my first two days I am working on Thomas' base, so we got to ride in together today and have lunch at Panera. I love Panera. The food is so good and I can eat healthy and not feel like I am missing out on a better menu option. I hate going to a restaurant I like, ordering a salad and watching everyone else eat something really good. That's probably why I never do it :) But, Panera has great salads so it's a win/win. Now, what I have to look forward to for the next 95 days, I'm not as clear on.

Flashback Friday--Used Books and Arbys

Growing up, my family did not have a lot of money. For about 5 years our family of 5 lived in a small two-bedroom house in Florida, with no air conditioning. But, we made our own fun. My favorite outings were going to Arby's and the used book store with my mother and sister. Every few weeks there would be a coupon in the paper for a full meal from Arby's for $1.99. You got a small roast beef sandwich, fries, and a turnover. No drink was included, so we stuck with water. To this day, I almost never order a soda in a restaurant. First of all, I frequently drink water anyway, so it's not that big of a deal. But I also can't bring myself to do it financially. At a lot of restaurants, a soda is $2. If my husband and I both get one, it's $4. Tack on a 20% tip, and that brings the total to almost $5! That's more than double the cost of my entire childhood Arby's meal. I can still remember my mother saying we could go, but we had to order water and we couldn't complain about it. Deal!

But, I digress. So, my mother, sister, and I would go to Arby's. I don't recall my father ever joining us. I think maybe my brother would occassionally come along. But for the most part, it was just the girls. We'd sit in our favorite booth and enjoy a leisurely meal. Then, we would go to the used bookstore. I am sure "the used bookstore" had a proper name, but I have no idea what it was. I never thought that was odd until just now, as I am typing this. Anyway, the place was huge! It was probably close to the size of a modern Barnes and Noble. The picture above is one I found after a google search; apparently I am not the only one with fond memories of BookTraders (that person actually remembered the name). They had a large children's section, with lots of treasures. They also had magazines, thousands of records, and, my personal favorite, a 0.25 table. We could spend hours in that place! By the end of the evening, we would each walk away with a full stomach and several "new" books. The best part was that you could return your old books for credit, which we always did. The whole night out, including dinner, probably cost less than $10.

We later graduated to Fazzoli's, which became our restaurant for awhile, but we always loved going to the used bookstore. It was an incredibly sad day when I learned that they had sold about half their space and condensed. I guess the downtown revitalization efforts made the property too valuable.

How Times Have Changed

I know I am not old. But, sometimes a thought will pop into my head and I realize that the years are starting to go by much too quickly. Today, it was Cyndi Lauper's "Girls Just Want to Have Fun" playing on the 80s station. For my children, the 80s station is the equivalent to "The Oldies" stations of my childhood. When Girls Just Want to Have Fun came out (1983) I was only 6. Not much older than Jack and Anna. But, that was almost 30 years ago. So, in 1983 when Cyndi Lauper was blaring on the boombox, my parents could have been listening to a song that came out in 1953 (probably on an 8-track in our shag-carpeted living room). Cyndi Lauper is the equivalent to 1953 in my parent's years!!!

Then, I started down the rabbit hole. Besides the incredibly obvious (the internet), what else is different. What are some of the "small" things in the world that have changed.

1. Car seats. My kids will be sitting in them until they are 40. They will buckle themselves in, pull the strap until it is super-snug and the chest plate lies precisely two inches below their collarbone. The driver will be given just enough mobility to steer the car (as it takes off in flight...). I feel like that is only the slightest of exaggerations. Seriously, in a booster until they are 8? By the time I was 3, I was sitting on my mom's lap, in the front seat, cruising along at 60mph (sing it: I can't drive 55--thank you National Speed Limit, in place until I was 10). Of course, there were no air bags to worry about. My mom actually had to have seat belts specially installed in the back seat of one of her cars because they weren't standard (granted, this was before I was born, but still)! Now, we have side air bags, front air bags, rollover bars, parking sensors, back-up cameras, and so many other safety measures.

2. Saturday morning cartoons. I still remember the thrill of waking up on Saturday morning, rolling over, seeing 7Am on the clock and jumping out of bed in excitement. Time for Smurfs/He-Man/Wuzzles/Jem, etc!!! Now, cartoons are on around the clock, so they are nothing special. We have entire stations devoted to children's programming. My kids will never know the pure pleasure that comes from sitting in front of the television for hours on a Saturday morning, knowing that was pretty much it for the week. Oh, and commercials. We actually had to watch commercials.

3. Speaking of commercials and television, anyone else remember Beta versus VHS? It got pretty intense there for a while. Now, it is Blu-Rays, DVRs, and 1080p on your LED. But, enough about television. Moving on.

4. Arcades. This is a shout-out for Thomas. He was just commenting this weekend how he misses arcades. He is convinced he still holds the high score on Kung-Fu Master at Karl's Silver Club in Reno. Our kids will never know the joy of begging for quarters while waiting for a pizza to arrive at the table. Although, I suppose they will always have Chuck E Cheese.

5. Kid-centric parenting, mainstream attachment parenting, spanking=abuse, choice over whether to vaccinate... you get the idea. The other day, I found myself getting overly excited as I took to the internet for some intense research. The twins will be 4 in only 4-months--time to start planning. I am leaning toward a mobile petting zoo, complete with pony rides. Seriously, how awesome is that?? Can you imagine if you had asked your mom if you could have some sheep and a chincilla over for your birthday? I suppose kids still had clowns, so maybe it's not all that different.

6. Bike helmets. Another safety rule. We have definitely gotten a lot more safety conscious. By the time they became mandatory for children, I had already graduated high school. Now you see even three-year olds on trikes wearing them. This rule could have saved my sister a concussion and trip to the hospital. I haven't made my toddlers wear them on their trikes, but soon we'll be moving up to training-wheeled bikes and they'll get to don them then. On this same note, I noticed today at the pool that most of the kids (mine included) were wearing shirts in the pool. I lathered them up in their broad-spectrum 10000 spf sunscreen, put on their shirts and shorts and sent them into the pool. No more little suits, or heaven-forbid bikinis, for my kids. One kid even had on a long-sleeved swim shirt, his mom said he didn't mind and I asked her where I could find them.

7. Digital cameras. Do you remember the excitement of getting a role of film developed? What treasures would emerge? Did you capture the moment as you remembered it? Remember not wanting to take a picture because you didn't want to waste film? Well, those days are loooonnng gone. Now, we can and do take thousands of pictures. Jack is proud he did a puzzle and wants his picture taken--sure! Anna likes her dress and wants a picture--no problem! Instant gratification abounds. I frequently take 5 (or more) pictures of the same thing because something wasn't quite right. With film and a camera, I am sure I would live with a lot more imperfections and have a lot less pictures to deal with.

I know this list is a bit silly. None of these are game-changers. Most are pretty insignificant. Obviously, the internet is huge. All that information in the literal palm of your hand. How else would I have ever known that Girls Just Want to Have came out in 1983 (with the movie that followed in 1985 starring a young Sarah Jessica Parker and Helen Hunt)? And, we have cell phones and navigation systems. But, that stuff is just too obvious. It is the little things that matter. Like when I am my dad's age, and my kids are listening to the radio with their kids they will hear a song, which will make them thing about the oldies of 2013, when they were kids. Didn't that just blow your mind???

Kids Say the Darndest Things

Remember Bill Cosby's show and how clever those little kids seemed. Where did they come up with that stuff??? Did their parents coach them? Were they just really precocious? Now that I have children of my own I have realized that kids are just plain funny. You cannot predict the things that will come out of their mouths. All you can do is stare in amazement, look at the person sitting next to you and wonder, did I hear that correctly?

So, in honor of my children, here are some of my favorites from this week.

While riding in the car:
Anna (with anger): Mom, give me back that toy.
Me: Anna, I can't reach it. No.
Anna (more anger): Mom, if you don't give me back that toy NOW, I am going to move out of your house.
Me: Really? Where would you go?
Anna (still very angry): To a castle very far away.
Me: A castle? That sounds nice. Can I come with you??
Anna (now happy): YES! It will be so fun!!!

Jack, Anna, and Kara at various times this week (spoken with venom): "You're a coffee cat!" (they mean copy cat, not that that makes any more sense in the context they use it...)

While in car:
Jack (loudly): When this car stops, I'm going to hit you.
Kara (shrieking): I hit you now.
Jack: NO! You can't reach me when you are in the carseat, you have to wait until the car stops.
Kara: Oh. Okay.

Jack, on a toy phone: Hi Daddy.
Jack in Daddy voice: Hi Jack, how are you?
Anna: I want to talk to Daddy.
Jack, putting hand over phone to block out noise: No! I am talking to Daddy. You can call him later.
Anna (crying): I need to tell him something. Let me talk to Daddy.
Me: You realize it's a toy phone, right?
Jack (ignoring me): Anna, be quiet, I'm on the phone.
Anna: (still crying and also ignoring me): I want to talk to Daddy.
Me: exit room.

Scene: Kara crying in car, overly tired, probably hungry.
Anna (thoughtfully): Mom, I don't really like Kara anymore. Let's give her to someone else.
Jack: No, Anna! I would miss her.
Long conversation about how we are not giving anyone away.
Later that day:
Anna: Kara is my best friend.

At swim lessons:
Swim Coach: Your three-year old is trying to reason with me. She's explaining why she shouldn't have to put her head in the water.

Anna praying: God bless everyone and everything. In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

Jack: praying, getting a little too winded for Kara's sake.
Kara (whispering): say Amen.
Jack continues to pray.
Kara (louder whisper): say Amen.
Repeat. (I believe is a leftover habit from when our kids needed coaching. Now, Kara assumes that if someone talks too long, they have forgotten how to end the prayer and need her help.)

Without tone of voice or facial expressions, I imagine it is hard to truly picture these interactions. Certainly, they don't seem as funny when I read them. But, the kids make me laugh and for that I am thankful. I have said more than once that the best thing about having three so close together is watching their interactions with each other. We may not make the cut for Bill Cosby, but I sure find them entertaining!