Eulogy

My favorite picture of my Mom and Jack.  

Today marks the 5 year anniversary of my mother's death.  In December 2007, she came up to visit.  The twins were only 2.5 months old and she already loved them so much.  She had come for 2 weeks when they were born and this was to be her second visit.  Unfortunately, she was sick.  I think she probably knew she wasn't feeling well enough to travel, but she wanted to be with the babies so much.  (If I had known how sick she was, I am sure we would have found a way to go to her.) On December 23rd, she was feeling so poorly that my Dad took her to the Emergency Room.  I got up in the middle of the night and could hear them talking.  I didn't know what exactly the diagnosis was, but I knew it wasn't good.  They revealed the next day that her cancer had returned.  She had been in remission from breast cancer for 5 years.  The cancer had already metasticized to her liver and the prognosis was not good.  She flew home a day or two later to see if she could begin chemotherapy.  Unfortunately, they didn't have any appointments for weeks.  My mother wasn't pushy enough to press the issue.  I wish she had, although it probably would have made no difference.  Approximately one month later, my father called and said we should come.  So, we did.  My three siblings and I all gathered round her as she died.  We saw her take her last breaths on January 29th 2008. She had just turned 65.

I never struggled in my relationship with my mother.  There was no time, even in the teen years, where  we didn't get along.  I always thought she was wonderful and always enjoyed her company.  She was among my best friends and I still miss her terribly.

She died when my oldest children were only 3 months old.  She never met her namesake--Kara Ann (my mother was Carol Ann).  While I always loved my mother, I don't think I truly appreciated how amazing she was until I had children of my own.  I wish I could tell her now.  I am no where near as patient, loving, or kind as she was--but, she has given me something to strive for.  If my children think I am anywhere near as successful a parent as she was, I will consider my own life a success.

My Aunt Pat gave an amazing Eulogy at her funeral.  It is relatively long, but I want to share some of my favorite excerpts that illustrate some of her best qualities.

My mom was brilliant:  "Carol was precocious.  She was speaking in complete sentences by two, and even then, had an uncanny ability to spot, and point out any illogical argument.  My mother used to tell the story of how, when Carol was barely two, she had left her with our grandmother and went to pick berries.  Carol wanted to go with our mother and once our mom had left began to scream and yell, having a real temper tantrum.  Finally our grandmother turned to her and said, "Carol, why are you screaming?  Your mother can't hear you."  Carol stopped crying, looked straight at our Grandmother and said, "But you can!"...She was avid reader by the time she finished Kindergarten... She was on a team of four students from our high school who competed on a local radio program called THE WHIZ KIDS.  The program aired on Saturday mornings and I would sit listening to the radio, waiting for her to ring her buzzer and answer a question.  She had all the right answers...She was on her high school debating team, was President of the Honor Society and was Salutatorian of her graduating class."

She was competitive (which made game nights so fun at our house!):  "Carol hated to lose and, whether it was checkers, monopoly or softball, she played to win.  And, most of the time she did.  With the birth of Kori and Thomas' twins, she was quick to remind me that she now had more grandchildren than I had."

She was giving and unselfish (and creative):  "One Christmas when Carol was about 12 years old, she had an idea for making Christmas Wreaths.  She took some old coat hangers and started tying princess pine to them.  She added holly leaves with berries and soon she had a beautiful, very professional looking wreath.  She was my own Martha Stewart.  As often as she showed me how to tie the princess pine on the hanger, I couldn't get mind to look like hers.  We agreed that my brothers and I would gather the pine, she'd make the wreaths, and the boys and I would go door to door selling them.  Carol wasn't a, "well, I'll just do it myself" person, but was always willing to take the hard job and give others what they were comfortable with.  We sold the wreaths, making enough money to buy our parents and each other Christmas gifts."

She had lots of interests:  "She had no interest in dolls, fancy clothes and girly things.  She did not waste her time with imaginative play.  She lived in the grown-up world.  She loved baseball.  She could recite all the stats for every player on the Boston Red Sox teams of the 1950's.  She was passionate about politics, reading everything she could about the candidates before deciding to campaign for John F. Kennedy in 1960.  She loved listening to the music of Elvis Presley; Peter, Paul, and Mary; and Johnny Mathis.  She loved writing: poetry when she was young and novels as she got older.  She loved sewing and crafts.  And, most of all, she loved teaching, deciding very early on that she was going to be a teacher.  Like all of Carol's loves, the enjoyment of these interests remained throughout her life."

She was loyal: "As younger sisters do, I had a bad habit of wanting to tag along with my big sister. She seemed to have all the friends.  I had only her.  I'd ask to go along to the beach, park, or wherever she was invited.  The conversation always ended with me pleading and her saying, "OK, I'll ask." When I'd hear those familiar words, I'd know I was in.  I believe I even went along at least one of her dates with Lucien, her then, future husband.  When Carol joined 4-H, like everything else she did, she excelled, learning quickly how to sew.  She was soon making her own clothes.  I may have been a little jealous, especially where new clothes were involved, and I asked if I could join 4-H with her.  There was some irritation, but yes, she'd ask.  The sewing circle consisted of a group of her friends, some of whom she would keep in contact with her entire life.  Carol always had good and loyal friends, and I'm sure it was because she was such a good and loyal friend."

She was wonderful and I miss her.

Pierced Ears!!!

Last week, while Thomas was here, we made a trip to Annapolis.  Thomas had been craving a good burger, preferably a #12 from Johnny Rockets and I was craving a trip to a good mall.  The Annapolis mall is awesome!  The only problem was that all our kids are too tall for the one play area they have open, which is really our bribing tool anytime we visit a mall.  I could have sworn there was another one last time we were there, but maybe I have it confused with the mall in Fredericksburg?  Anyway, we stumbled upon a free kid care area, we brought the kids in and they loved it!  We were able to leave them for up to 2-hours.  We left them for one, which was plenty of time for us to walk around the mall and find me some new sneakers.  When we came back to get them, Kara didn't want to leave.  That little advertisement is not really the point of this blog.  The point is that when we walked in, we saw a Claire's.  As is our custom, I asked Anna if she wanted to get her ear's pierced.  She has been asking to do this almost since she could talk.  I told her when she was 5 she could have them done (which is significantly younger than the 8 my parents made me wait for).  When her 5th birthday came, we took her to the mall and she chickened out.  Since then, every time we go to the mall, I give her the option.  It is almost more of a joke now. This time, she responded she wanted to think about it and maybe on the way out she would have them done.

So, we had our lunch at Johnny Rockets, complete with milkshakes all around and then decided to head out.  As we approached Claire's, I asked Anna if she had decided whether or not to get her ears done and she surprised us all by saying that she would.  I still didn't really expect her to go through with it.  I told her it would hurt, because that is how I remember it, but that the pain would be super quick and probably hurt less than the flu shot.  She chose her earrings and bravely sat in the chair.  The girl doing the piercing kept saying it wouldn't hurt, but Anna didn't believe her (neither did I) and kept pulling away every time the woman got near.  She was very patient and suggested that Anna sit on Thomas' lap.  Anna was still insisting she wanted to go through with it, so Thomas held her head still.  After the first ear was done, Anna reported that it didn't hurt.  After Anna was done, Kara, all smiles, jumped into the chair.  We didn't have the heart to tell her no.  Anna was excited to have Kara get hers done too, which helped our decision (we didn't want hard feelings because we made her wait and Kara didn't have to).  Kara didn't find it quite as painless as Anna, but she was still a trouper.  They were so cute admiring each other in the store that a few people even gathered around and remarked how sweet they were.

So, without further ado, the pictures:

While insisting she was ready, she kept moving away from the piercer.

It helped to have Daddy's lap to sit on.

My favorite shot.

All enthusiastic optimism.

Still feeling good.

Not quite so happy now, but proud after she was done.

The finished product.  

It was fun and the girls are still super excited about their pierced ears.  Anna has already been in my jewelry box to decide what she is going to borrow when the 8 weeks are up. I think she's going to be surprised, but I'll soften the blow by taking them to the store to pick out their very own pair or two.  It is so fun to have little girls!  (Note to Jack--little boys are awesome too!!!)

A Wonderful Surprise

On Saturday, January 12th, Thomas called.  Unfortunately, we were at the library and didn't notice the phone ringing.  However, a few minutes after the call, I noticed he had left a message.  That is pretty unusual; it costs a ton of minutes on the calling card to connect, so he will usually just call back later.  We played the message and heard a big surprise--they were sending Thomas to a meeting in DC!!!  He was going to fly in on Friday for the meeting and spend the long weekend with us.  We were all very excited.

On Monday, he called again, saying that the flight he was originally going to take was cancelled and he would be flying in tomorrow (Tuesday). There was actually a lot of back and forth on the details of which day/flight, but, to make a long story short, he was able to come in on Tuesday and was going to spend an entire week with us!

He arrived on Tuesday night and Kara and I picked him up.  Jack and Anna had their first gymnastics class and I didn't want them to miss it.  It was a huge production to get them there that involved renting a car to pick up Thomas with so that Jennifer could use the van to take them.  The things parents do for their children!  Anyway, I wasn't going to take Kara, because she is Terrible in the car.  She has always hated being in the car.  When she was a baby, she would start to cry as soon as you fastened her in.  When she was 4 months old, we moved to Tennessee and the drive was marked with 16 hours of crying (Thomas and I alternated who had to drive her every 3 hours--Jack and Anna happily played with their toys in the "quiet car").  She doesn't cry anymore, but she whines and complains.  Her favorite complaint: "it's taking too long...my back is sweaty."  This occurs, on average, 10 minutes into a drive.  So, I told her she could come with me, but no whining or complaining.  She agreed.  We got to Hughesville and she started whining.  I reminded her of our deal and she responded, "well, you aren't going to turn around."  She had me there.

So, whiny Kara and I picked up Thomas at the Branch Avenue metro.  I felt kind of bad about making him take the metro, but it was prime traffic time and it just made sense.  Although, I still feel lousy about it, so I should have just faced the traffic and gone to the airport.  We went to a Mongolian restaurant in Waldorf, which was really good.  It was almost surreal to have him with us.  We got home shortly after 7, just minutes after Jack and Anna came in from gymnastics.

We had a great visit.  The kids were so well-behaved.  After Thomas left in September, Jack began having a lot of behavioral problems.  Some of it has been kind of severe.  But, he was his old self with Thomas here.  It was amazing to see the difference.  It also provided me with a sense of relief, that hopefully there will be  an end to what we have been going through.  Anyway, we went to restaurants, did a nature walk, had a fun day in Annapolis, played a lot of hide and seek and other games in our house, and generally just had a good time.  Thomas also set-up our surround sound and got rid of the crazy way I had things hooked up in the living room.  It was a super-productive, laid-back week. The kids loved having him here, they insisted he do everything for them (brush teeth, read stories, etc.).  It was heart-warming to see them fight over who got to sit next to him or hold his hand when we were out.  It made me feel very lucky to have such a wonderful man as my husband.

Unfortunately, the visit ended at 5 this morning when I took him back to the airport.  The kids and I are sad.  Next week, we will finally cross the halfway point in his deployment.  It will be so nice to have our family back together again.

New Year's Resolutions (or lack thereof) & Random Thoughts

I wrote this a couple of weeks ago, but didn't "publish" for some reason:

So, I read my post from last New Year's.  While I still think resolutions are a good thing, 2012 was a fail year for me.  I am not thinner, nicer or keeping track of expenses.  Time has continued on and I am pretty much the same as I was on January 1, 2012.  So this year I am making no grand pronouncements.  Is it better to try and fail, or not try at all?  I am taking the lazy man's out.  However, I pass no judgment on those who choose a different path.  In fact, I judge those who judge you!  That grand pronouncement stems from how aggravating it is to listen to the people at the gym make comments about the annoying "resolutioners."  We all understand that you can't wait until March when the riff raff clears out.  You have obviously forgotten that you too, at some point started and were new to the gym.  Maybe it wasn't on January 1st, but so what?  (By the way, I am not an exercise resolutioner--I joined in November, so this is not defending myself--exercise has never been the problem.  Food on the other hand...).

Okay, enough about that.  I really had no thoughts for this blog.  I just felt it was time to write.

Jack and Anna are enjoying preschool.  Well, maybe enjoying isn't the right word.  Tolerating is probably more accurate.  I do worry about the years to come.  Aren't kids supposed to be excited to start school?  Mine don't want to do it.  They are dreading kindergarten when they have to be "gone all day (said with a whine and/or sigh)."

Hmm, I quickly (well, sort of quickly) see that my thoughts are on the negative side this morning.  Maybe not the best time to write.  Some happy thoughts: I love our new house and neighborhood.  It is so convenient to be able to make a quick trip somewhere.  We have also made some new friends, which is exactly what I was hoping for.  In fact, we have a picnic playdate with one of our neighbors in an hour.  I signed the kids up for gymnastics (starts next week) and they are excited about that.  Thomas is now at 43% completion on his IA.  Ohh, I can do a funny Thomas story.

So, he lost his cell phone and some girl called his house and said she had it.  Thomas was out running at the time, so his roommate took the call.  His roommate withheld this information for 24 hours, during which time Thomas frantically searched the base for his phone (it's a work phone).  Finally, his roommate tells him about the call, but didn't have any other information, he just told Thomas he figured he would know.  I am aggravated at said roommate, until it is revealed that roomie believes Thomas was with the girl who called and that is why he passively aggressively refused to give Thomas the info and didn't bother to get a name.  Way to have my back, complete stranger!  Of course, Thomas wasn't with the girl, and had no idea who she was.  He tried calling the phone, but it didn't work.  Eventually, the phone was returned to his office and all is well.