Eulogy

My favorite picture of my Mom and Jack.  

Today marks the 5 year anniversary of my mother's death.  In December 2007, she came up to visit.  The twins were only 2.5 months old and she already loved them so much.  She had come for 2 weeks when they were born and this was to be her second visit.  Unfortunately, she was sick.  I think she probably knew she wasn't feeling well enough to travel, but she wanted to be with the babies so much.  (If I had known how sick she was, I am sure we would have found a way to go to her.) On December 23rd, she was feeling so poorly that my Dad took her to the Emergency Room.  I got up in the middle of the night and could hear them talking.  I didn't know what exactly the diagnosis was, but I knew it wasn't good.  They revealed the next day that her cancer had returned.  She had been in remission from breast cancer for 5 years.  The cancer had already metasticized to her liver and the prognosis was not good.  She flew home a day or two later to see if she could begin chemotherapy.  Unfortunately, they didn't have any appointments for weeks.  My mother wasn't pushy enough to press the issue.  I wish she had, although it probably would have made no difference.  Approximately one month later, my father called and said we should come.  So, we did.  My three siblings and I all gathered round her as she died.  We saw her take her last breaths on January 29th 2008. She had just turned 65.

I never struggled in my relationship with my mother.  There was no time, even in the teen years, where  we didn't get along.  I always thought she was wonderful and always enjoyed her company.  She was among my best friends and I still miss her terribly.

She died when my oldest children were only 3 months old.  She never met her namesake--Kara Ann (my mother was Carol Ann).  While I always loved my mother, I don't think I truly appreciated how amazing she was until I had children of my own.  I wish I could tell her now.  I am no where near as patient, loving, or kind as she was--but, she has given me something to strive for.  If my children think I am anywhere near as successful a parent as she was, I will consider my own life a success.

My Aunt Pat gave an amazing Eulogy at her funeral.  It is relatively long, but I want to share some of my favorite excerpts that illustrate some of her best qualities.

My mom was brilliant:  "Carol was precocious.  She was speaking in complete sentences by two, and even then, had an uncanny ability to spot, and point out any illogical argument.  My mother used to tell the story of how, when Carol was barely two, she had left her with our grandmother and went to pick berries.  Carol wanted to go with our mother and once our mom had left began to scream and yell, having a real temper tantrum.  Finally our grandmother turned to her and said, "Carol, why are you screaming?  Your mother can't hear you."  Carol stopped crying, looked straight at our Grandmother and said, "But you can!"...She was avid reader by the time she finished Kindergarten... She was on a team of four students from our high school who competed on a local radio program called THE WHIZ KIDS.  The program aired on Saturday mornings and I would sit listening to the radio, waiting for her to ring her buzzer and answer a question.  She had all the right answers...She was on her high school debating team, was President of the Honor Society and was Salutatorian of her graduating class."

She was competitive (which made game nights so fun at our house!):  "Carol hated to lose and, whether it was checkers, monopoly or softball, she played to win.  And, most of the time she did.  With the birth of Kori and Thomas' twins, she was quick to remind me that she now had more grandchildren than I had."

She was giving and unselfish (and creative):  "One Christmas when Carol was about 12 years old, she had an idea for making Christmas Wreaths.  She took some old coat hangers and started tying princess pine to them.  She added holly leaves with berries and soon she had a beautiful, very professional looking wreath.  She was my own Martha Stewart.  As often as she showed me how to tie the princess pine on the hanger, I couldn't get mind to look like hers.  We agreed that my brothers and I would gather the pine, she'd make the wreaths, and the boys and I would go door to door selling them.  Carol wasn't a, "well, I'll just do it myself" person, but was always willing to take the hard job and give others what they were comfortable with.  We sold the wreaths, making enough money to buy our parents and each other Christmas gifts."

She had lots of interests:  "She had no interest in dolls, fancy clothes and girly things.  She did not waste her time with imaginative play.  She lived in the grown-up world.  She loved baseball.  She could recite all the stats for every player on the Boston Red Sox teams of the 1950's.  She was passionate about politics, reading everything she could about the candidates before deciding to campaign for John F. Kennedy in 1960.  She loved listening to the music of Elvis Presley; Peter, Paul, and Mary; and Johnny Mathis.  She loved writing: poetry when she was young and novels as she got older.  She loved sewing and crafts.  And, most of all, she loved teaching, deciding very early on that she was going to be a teacher.  Like all of Carol's loves, the enjoyment of these interests remained throughout her life."

She was loyal: "As younger sisters do, I had a bad habit of wanting to tag along with my big sister. She seemed to have all the friends.  I had only her.  I'd ask to go along to the beach, park, or wherever she was invited.  The conversation always ended with me pleading and her saying, "OK, I'll ask." When I'd hear those familiar words, I'd know I was in.  I believe I even went along at least one of her dates with Lucien, her then, future husband.  When Carol joined 4-H, like everything else she did, she excelled, learning quickly how to sew.  She was soon making her own clothes.  I may have been a little jealous, especially where new clothes were involved, and I asked if I could join 4-H with her.  There was some irritation, but yes, she'd ask.  The sewing circle consisted of a group of her friends, some of whom she would keep in contact with her entire life.  Carol always had good and loyal friends, and I'm sure it was because she was such a good and loyal friend."

She was wonderful and I miss her.