Easter Eve! (lots of pictures)

'Twas the night before Easter and all through the house all creatures were stirring, though thank goodness no mouse. The children were far too excited to sleep, with visions of egg hunts and special treats.  Their mama was tired, with dad far away, but she too looked forward to their special day.

Okay, the kids are fighting in the background and kind of killing my mood to wax poetic.  So, on to the matter at hand--Easter and pictures galore!

Last year we went to an egg hunt sponsored by MWR.  The kids had a good time, but I was kind of annoyed that they charged $5/person.  Not $5/kid, Thomas and I had to pay $10 to watch the kids pick up eggs in a field.  So, this year we decided to try something new and went to the Leonardtown Easter Festival.  It started at 9, with egg hunts for our age group beginning at 1050.  I figured we'd get there as close to 9 as possible.  We arrived at 9:10 and barely found a parking space.  Once at the park, it did not feel too crowded, although the line for the Easter Bunny was long.  We bought our tickets and then I stood in the bunny line (I figured it would only get longer) and sent the kids into the park area to play.  Fortunately, the Rays had gotten there earlier and were also in the park.  They offered to keep an eye on them while I waited.  The wait was about 30 minutes and then the kids all took individual pictures.  

With the picture out of the way, Jack wanted to try his hand at tennis.  So, we went over and learned what lessons would be like for their age group.  We stayed and played for about 20 minutes, then wandered around some more.  The kids got to climb in a fire truck and police car, which they enjoyed.  We saw the eggs from the egg decorating contest, many of which were very clever and creative.  By the time we finished exploring, it was close to time for the egg hunts to begin.

The egg hunt was very well-organized.  They had lots of eggs over a big field and separated the kids by age and gender.  Kara went first at 1050, then Jack at 1056, followed by Anna at 1102.  It was definitely a well-oiled machine.  The kids cleared the field in about 3 minutes, then the volunteers dropped more eggs while they lined-up the next group.  The kids were a little disappointed that they didn't find the "special" egg, but they got over it.  

After that, I told them they could each choose one treat: either a bouncy house, a snow cone, a cupcake, or a special balloon.  Kara said bouncy, Jack wanted a balloon, and Anna wanted a snow-cone.  We headed over to the bouncy houses and Kara chose to do the one where she could jump for a few minutes and then slide.  I sat Jack and Anna at a nearby picnic table to open their eggs and Kara and I got in line for tickets and then in line for the bouncy.  While she and I were waiting for the bouncy house, Anna wandered over and said she changed her mind, she wanted to jump too.  So, I went back to the ticket line and bought tickets for her.  A few minutes later, Jack wandered over and said he'd changed his mind too.  Back to the ticket line I went.  Finally, it was there turn and they all seemed pleased with their choice.

We then got faces painted and saw Pinch from the Blue Crabs (who gave us tickets to a game!).  We got some balloons and left around 12.  It was a very fun morning and the kids were so well-behaved!  

After lunch, we dyed our eggs and then decorated them.  Finally, they went outside to play and I eventually joined them.  We kicked around a soccer ball, played red light/green light and Simon Says.  It was a fantastic day.  By the time I put them to bed, I just felt so much love for my family.  I really am blessed.  The only way it could have been better was if Thomas were here.  

After spinning them in circles, I was so dizzy I fell to the ground.  Of course,they had to come over and sit on me  :)

And, in case I don't end up posting about Easter Day, here are pictures of them getting their baskets this morning.

Miscarriage

I have been debating for a few weeks whether or not to write this blog.  I really didn't want to, but at the same time, I really did.  Since the debate has raged within my mind on an almost daily basis, I figured the best way to calm the beast was to memorialize the event.  Now, whether I publish this remains to be seen.  I do know that when I was going through it, other's accounts were helpful.

Thomas left for his deployment in September.  He was allowed one visit, which he took in November.  It was early, but we had just moved into a new house and he wanted to see it and he missed us.  After that visit, I wasn't expecting to see him again until June.  Then, one Saturday morning he called and said he would be flying in on Tuesday and staying for a week!

A few weeks after that fun visit, I was at Chick-Fil-A with the kids.  All of a sudden, I started noticing cute babies around the restaurant.  Then, we went to Target and I felt the urge to take a stroll down the baby aisle (a place I hadn't visited in at least 2 years).  At that point I knew something strange was happening and started doing some math.  I had a (very old) pregnancy test left over from the Kara days.  It had somehow survived 3 moves and 4.5 years.  I took the positive result in stride and didn't even tell Thomas about it.  I convinced myself that the test was defective.  The next day, I bought some more tests.  They all came back positive.  That night I told Thomas and we began to get excited.

I hadn't been sure I wanted another child.  I felt fortunate to have three healthy children and felt like a fourth might be pushing our luck, particularly since at 35, I was now of "advanced maternal age".  Also, the three we have are so close in age that it's almost like triplets--there are only 16 months between the twins and Kara, while another baby would be close to 5 years behind.  Mostly, I was feeling pretty content with our life.  Diapers were a thing of the past.  Everyone slept all night and we were just over a year from having them all in kindergarten.  We had discussed having another, but hadn't reach a conclusion when this happened.

But, now that "this" had happened, I started thinking of all the positives: how fun would it be to have just one baby to focus on?  We'd never had that before.  And, Anna, Jack and Kara would make great big brother/sisters.  And, we would get to experience all those amazing firsts again!

Shortly after that, I began to feel pregnant.  I was winded climbing just one flight of stairs and my heart rate was at least 10 bpm higher than normal (I wear a heart rate monitor when I exercise).  I even started to feel differently lying on my stomach.  I had frequent headaches and felt nauseous.  Then, suddenly, I didn't feel nauseous.  This was a red flag to me because I have a pretty weak stomach.  I was very sick with my other two pregnancies.  But, I tried to convince myself that I was just lucky and that everything was fine.  Really though, I knew it wasn't.

Right around my 8th week I started spotting.  I will spare you most of the gory details, but I will say that miscarriages are not what I thought.  For some inexplicable reason I thought with an early miscarriage, your body would just absorb the embryo.  Instead, I had several days of severe cramping and more than a week of bleeding (I had decided to let my body handle it naturally as opposed to having a D&C).  It started on a Thursday night and I had a very miserable weekend.  On Tuesday morning, the embryo came out and all of the physical pain dissipated.   Even though I had known I was in the process of a miscarriage, it still caught me by surprise to see what would have been our baby.  I called Thomas in a hysterical manner.  Obviously, this was upsetting to him and he went to tell his Commanding Officer that he needed to leave for a few hours.  His CO saw how distraught Thomas was and Thomas was forced to tell him what was going on.  In a true act of kindness, he insisted that Thomas come home.  He then made all the arrangements for Thomas to get on a plane that afternoon.  It was not something we had even thought to ask for, but I was so grateful to have my supportive husband with me.

After it was over, I was amazed at the range of reactions we received.  Of course, since it was so early in the pregnancy, there were not a lot of people who knew.  One of the reactions was hurtful--suggesting it was not a big deal and that if it weren't for a pregnancy test taken way too early, I probably wouldn't have even known it was happening (missing two periods might have clued me in, even if the nausea didn't).  But, I was also strengthened by the compassion of others, including the immense kindness showed us by Thomas' boss.  I am so thankful for my sister and her empathetic way of listening.  I told another of my friends who was also a sympathetic listener and had been through a miscarriage herself.  It felt good to talk about it and to express my wide range of emotions.  Why is it that we can talk freely of our illnesses but it feels so taboo to talk about a miscarriage?  Certainly, it is more personal than a stomach virus, but I think it also requires more support and understanding, which we can't receive unless we are willing to express the need.

So, here we are three weeks later.   I still feel guilty, like I could have prevented this from happening:  I exercised too hard, I ate raw cookie dough and cold lunch meat.  I will never know if these had any effect on our baby, but I can't help but think about it (please don't leave any reassurances on this, there is nothing anyone can say that will make me feel differently).  Immediately after the miscarriage, Thomas and I  decided that we would try again.  However, now I am not so sure.  I don't want to ever go through this again and things really are nice with the 3 we are blessed to have.  I do wish I was pregnant right now, but if this had to happen, I am glad it did so before my first ultrasound.  Thankfully, I never saw or heard the heartbeat.

Funny Things Kids Say

Some of my favorite quotes from this week:

Me: I love you, Kara
Kara:  And, you love Jack and Anna
Me:  That's right, I love all of you very much!
Kara:  But, not villains.  You don't love villains.  Right?
Me:  Right, I don't love villains.

Anna:  What do you want for your birthday? (which by the way is not until July)
Me:  How about a whole day with no fighting??  That would be the best present ever!
Anna:  Umm, that's too hard.  How about a grown-up movie?

Scene: I just got out of the shower.  I am wearing my robe and Jack wanders into the room.
Me:  Jack, can you please leave the room for a few minutes?  I want to get dressed.
Jack: Okay.  <he leaves, then walks right back in to show me something>.  Hey Mom, look at this.
Me:  Jack, please go back to your room for a few minutes so I can get dressed.  Then, you can show me whatever you want.
Jack: <exasperated tone> why do I have to leave?  I promise I won't laugh at your private parts.

Scene: Driving home from school, Anna is reporting on something Jack did.
Jack: ANNA, you need to learn to stop tattletaling!!!
Kara:  Jack, she can do whatever she wants.  She's a 5-year old!

Kara:  Mommy, when Daddy has some more birthdays, will he be a giant?

Scene:  Kara has a picture Anna made at school and is refusing to give it back.  Anna is chasing her around.
Anna:  Give it back!
Kara:  Not unless you say the magic word!
Anna:  What is the magic word?
Kara:  Ummm....I love you and... can I please have that back.
Anna:  I will say I love you, but not to you and I already said can I please have that back.  Mommy, I love you.
Kara:  Okay, here you go.

You Are So Annoying

I am embarrassed to admit that I shouted that at poor Anna this morning.  In my defense, she really is annoying.  (just kidding...but not really)

When I was a kid my Dad used to call me a haunt.  I never understood what that meant until sweet Anna was born.  The kid is always there!  She never misses an adult conversation, a chance to ask questions, or an opportunity to remind you of something you said weeks ago.  In all fairness, I shouldn't speak in absolutes, because of course I am exaggerating.  But, it does seem like she is always there.  I understand perfectly what my Dad meant now.  As a sidenote: I also vividly recall my oldest brother and sister telling me how much they hoped I would have a kid like myself one day.  <probably much like Anna would, whenever they said that, I would think to myself that I hoped they were right and for good measure, I would wish they would have a kid just like me too!  I understood they were trying to be mean, but it seemed fine to me.>  Poetic justice is how my brother referred to it the last time we talked about it.

So, today, Anna was asking a lot of questions and wanted me to give her something that I was giving her sister (because heaven forbid anyone in this house get something without giving it to everyone).  And, I blurted out the, "you are so annoying" comment.  She went scurrying away and I felt like a heel.

I once read that how you talk to your children when they are young is how you can expect them to talk to you when they are teenagers.  That phrase has stuck with me.  I know that 10 years from now, Anna is going to find me annoying.  And, I know she will not hesitate to tell me.  And, I know that I need to be nicer to my kids. That's a lot of knowledge.  Of course, I do try to be nice to my kids.  I try to remember to treat them kindly and to use nice words with them.  I work to make sure each day the majority of our interactions are positive ones.  And, not to pat myself on the back too much, I think most of the time I succeed.  I know the years are limited where they are going to want to be around me every second of every day (which is how it seems right now), so I try to be patient with them in the hopes that they will be patient with me when the tables are turned in a few years.

To showcase Anna's other side, I could also say she is very smart and incredibly inquisitive.  I love that she wants to know all the details about things and how she retains so much of what we tell her.  She is an amazing child and I am proud to have her for a daughter.

First Play and other news

The girls wanted to get dressed up for the theater.

We have taken the kids to the circus and to Disney on Ice (twice), however, we hadn't yet brought them to a play.  When our good friends invited us to come and see a show with them at CSM's children's theater, it seemed like a great idea.  I told the kids we were going to a play with Macy and Braden and they were super excited all week long.  I read the girls the synopsis of the show--which was called Snow White Goes West (Snow White lived in the old west and the wicked Queen was a crooked saloon owner).  Somehow, I must have failed to discuss what a "play" was with Jack.  The day of the play, he was on the phone talking to Thomas and Thomas asked if he was ready to see the show.  Jack, responded, "we're not going to a show, it's a play."  Thomas then explained what a play was.  Jack got an angry look on his face and exclaimed, "well, that doesn't sound fun at all!!!"   Jack had taken "play" literally and was not excited about going to watch a live performance, particularly after we told him no 3-D glasses would be involved.  He wanted to go and play with his friends not sit and watch something!

Fortunately, by the time we got there, he was back to his good nature self.  And, he loved it!!!  In fact, they all did.  The humor was on their level and they loved the singing and dancing.  They are still humming some of the songs and occasionally walking around on their knees, which is what their favorite character "Shorty Dwarf" did (Shorty felt like since his name was shorty, he needed to be shorter than his brothers).

Waiting patiently for it to start,

I showed Kara this picture and commented that her eyes were a little squinty...

so she opened them super-wide!

With the set and stage behind them

After the show, Jack went and gave Snow White a hug, telling her she is his new favorite princess.  Then we all took a picture.

In other news, the kids have almost finished their first session of gymnastics.  They love it!  All 3 of them say it is their favorite thing and their favorite night of the week.  Right now, they are on 2 different nights, which has been difficult for me.  So, next session, I have them all together.  Well, in 2 different classes, but one right after the other.  I am not sure if that is going to be more difficult (entertaining the one(s) who are waiting) or better (only having to drive there one night a week).  We shall see.  In another year, they can all do the same class.  One of the benefits of having kids that are so close in age.

I signed Kara up for preschool next year.  I am hoping she will somehow get into the public one because it has been surprisingly good for Jack and Anna.  Of course, it being free doesn't hurt.  But, honestly, they have gotten a lot out of it and really enjoy it.  I am confident she won't make it into the one near our house which fills quickly with needs-based kids.  But, maybe she can do the one Jack and Anna are at if I am willing to drive her.  I think we won't know until April at the earliest and it is nice to have her enrolled at the private school as a back-up plan.

I bought Thomas' car this weekend.  We have been keeping an eye out for good deals and found a car we liked at Southern Maryland Toyota.  It is a 2009 Camry Hybrid.  They made the process really easy.  I went and test drove it, then left.  The next day, I made an "out-the-door" offer.  They didn't accept it, but called me back a bit later coming pretty close.  So, I went and did the paperwork.  No hard sales, no pressure, it may have been my easiest car purchase ever.

Kara has been going through a difficult stage lately/again.  I am reminded of this because she is standing behind me complaining about what I am making for lunch (kielbasa) and informing me that she "is in charge of this whole house."  I am steadfastly ignoring her.  She just changed her tone and nicely asked me to get down her counting bears.  Fortunately, she gets over a bad mood super quick.

Jack's favorite thing is Angry Bird Star Wars, which Thomas downloaded while he was here.  He also loves to draw and make things  Anna still likes to make up songs and stories for the rest of us.  I really admire their creativity.