Gender Divisiveness

Lately, there has been a disturbing trend in the Wilson house.  The trio of children is suddenly morphing into a duo/solo.

When we found out we were having twins, both Thomas and I were incredibly excited.  And, when we found out we were having a boy and a girl, we couldn't imagine anything more perfect.  When Kara decided to make an appearance a mere 16 months later, we didn't even bother to find out the sex.  It was completely irrelevant--we had lots of supplies for either gender and figured the surprise would make the experience even more special, which it did, except for an ultrasound tech who kind of blew it for us by referring to the baby as "she" (which we pretended not to hear).   Anyway, the one thing I was truly thankful for was that Kara was going to be a single baby.  I literally had nightmares that I was at the doctor and he suddenly announced another heartbeat.  In one dream, I jumped off a bridge after finding out I was carrying twins.  It wasn't because I didn't love the twins, but rather the thought of having 3 under the age of 18 months was pretty overwhelming.  The thought of 4 was downright terrifying!

Now, I am wishing there had been twins.  Specifically, a boy and a girl.  Why, you may ask?  Because I feel bad for Jack.  Lately, the girls have been excluding him.  Sometimes purposefully, and sometimes they are just playing games he has no interest in.  He doesn't want to pretend to be a princess and they are getting less willing to allow Iron Man (or Larry Boy, or Spiderman, or ...) to intrude upon the castle.  Several times over the past 2 weeks the 3 of them have been playing outside when Anna and Kara will suddenly decide to come in and play something else.  Shortly thereafer, Jack will follow with a sorrowful, "I need a friend."  He will ask them to come back out, but it is of no use; they have donned their princess gowns (or started some other "girly" game) and he knows he is going to be left to his own devices.  If Thomas is home, he will go outside and play with Jack.  I don't like to leave the kids in the house unsupervised, so I generally just offer to read books or play with play-doh.  But, I can see that Jack is just sad, at least when Thomas isn't there to be his "friend".  He feels abandoned.  He is very loyal to Anna and while he absolultely loves Kara, I think it hurts most when he perceives Anna is rejecting him.  He sees them as Anna and Jack... and Kara..  The few times the girls have closed him out of their room, I have intervened.  But, we can see the writing on the wall.  A pattern is emerging and as parents, we feel powerless (we can't make Jack be a princess anymore than we can make Anna and Kara not).

Of course, things may change.  I recognize that they are only 3 and 4, but trios are often problematic and I forsee that there will be many, many times when someone is left out.  It is difficult to watch.  Kara used to be very independent, but lately she has turned into Anna's shadow.  I can't imagine that lasting forever, but for now, it is very clearly girls' versus boy in our house.  We have never limited our kids to gender-specific roles, but at least in our case, it is very innate.  Nature has definitely won out in the gender portion of the nature/nuture debate.

Speaking of gender roles, my dad called the other day while Anna was at dance class.  He asked where Thomas was and I replied, "he lost the coin toss and had to take Anna to dance."  My dad then asked what kind of dance and I said, "it's a combo tap and ballet class."  There was a long pause, and in a strange voice, my Dad asked, "does he enjoy that?"  Slightly bewildered I responded, "not really, she is going to finish out the year, but probably won't sign up again."  Dad:  "Wait, who is taking the class?"  Me:  "Anna."  Seemingly, relieved he stated, "Oh!  I thought you said Thomas lost a coin toss and was taking ballet lessons."  It was very funny.  All I could picture was Thomas taking his first ballet class at the ripe age of 35 (in my head, he was wearing Anna's pink tutu and tights).